In Love And Guilt
by Koure
Summary: When a mission goes bad and Hojo is involved, the events of FFVII change drasticlly. In an attempt to help Cloud, Zack inadvertently makes things so much worse for the Blond. Cloud will suffer and Zack deals with the the guilt he's been harboring.
1. Chapter 1

"Zack, ice cream isn't really the best thing to eat on a mission", Cloud reprimanded lightly.

Zack shrugged and held the gallon tub out to him, "Want some Chocobo? It's really good".

The First waved it around Cloud's head invitingly, laughing at Cloud's 'Ew' expression.

"Of course not, you know I don't like sugar. At all", the boy said, with a long-suffering sigh. He ignored the 'Chocobo' comment. Though he hated the nick-name, it was unlikely he could get Zack to drop it.

"Maybe you wouldn't be such a drag if you let yourself have fun", Zack teased.

Cloud flinched, and looked at him with hurt obvious in his eyes. That was one of the few comments that got to him these days. Zack was the only person he let close to him besides his own mother, and even she was distant. The thought that he wasn't wanted was painful.

"You don't want me around?", he whispered sadly.

"No! That's not what I meant!", The First sat the tub beside him and crossed the isle to Cloud's seat.

"Of course I want you around, your my best friend", he tried to look in the Blond's eyes, but Cloud ducked his head, letting his bangs hide the sky blue color. Zack sat as close as he dared, though he'd known the boy for a couple months and they were good friends, Cloud didn't approve of touching. He didn't know why.

"I'm sorry", he apologized. Cloud shrugged and looked out the window. The land flashed by. They'd taken an Airship across the ocean, and were going to rest of the way by train to Costa Del Sol, both of them had been assigned this mission. It was relatively simple, seek, capture, and/or destroy. Some type of monster Shinra could not identify.

He felt Zack stand up and cross back over, Cloud still felt hurt by the previous remark, and carefully kept his vision on the blurry trees.

"You know, maybe when we get back to Midgar we could start up a Tonberry rights club or something. They must be smart to use a knife like they do. Besides if people are seriously considering that Red Caps should be considered 'A species to preserve', then Tonberries should have the same option", Zack babbled.

Cloud merely listened, he knew that Zack would do something about it when they got back, it was in his nature. Zack was outgoing, open, and happy. His joy was puppy like in it's energy, while Cloud was rather secluded. Preferring not to let anyone get close to him, and if Zack was to be believed, broody. They were opposites, attracted to each other. Whether it was friendship or love was questionable on Cloud's part.

The next hour passed in silence, Zack silently cursed himself for saying something like that. His friend was fragile, if he wasn't careful he could seriously hurt him. The boy didn't have any other friends, and was extremely solitary. He had worked hard to get the Blond to open up to him, to trust him, and he may have just ruined it because of that stupid screw up.

Cloud shuddered lightly, blinking as his vision blanked white for a second. He inwardly cursed his motion sickness, since it shouldn't be acting up. Zack had given him some pills several hours earlier, before they got onto the Airship. Apparently the drugs were wearing off.

Almost inaudibly, he groaned, his vision was swimming and his stomach felt as if it was being pulled up his throat. Zack heard Cloud's small sound of discomfort easily with his enhanced hearing and looked up from his military issued boots.

"You okay Choco?", he asked worriedly.

The Blond's face was pale and his eyes were half lidded. Zack rose and crossed over once again, hesitating before pulling the cadet close to him and rubbing his back soothingly.

"Motion sickness again?", the boy nodded a bit, then a tremor wracked his body and he dry heaved.

"Don't puke on my shoes Cloudy, their all shiny", Zack waggled one of his feet for emphasis, and Cloud let out a raspy chuckle.

"No problems there, I only ate at lunch yesterday", he said. Zack shook his head in disapproval,

"You need to eat more Cloud, it's not healthy to eat so little", he reprimanded. Cloud simply shrugged a bit. They sat like that for three more minutes, Cloud slumped against Zack's side and Zack watched worriedly as Cloud got worse. He wondered if he should get his Cura from his bag, but shrugged his paranoia off, it was just motion sickness.

Cloud didn't let on how bad he really felt, that his whole body was covered in thick layers of pain or that he felt excruciatingly cold. That his vision was fading and he was seeing white in his peripheral.

After another minute he spoke to Zack just as his sight blanked out into white completely, "Z-Zack, it doesn't feel right, he slurred dazedly.

Zack's hand paused and he grabbed Cloud's face in his hands, the Blond was a careful person, if he said something was wrong then there must be.

Zack carefully laid the boy flat on the seat, his eyes widened when Cloud didn't move or make another sound. He practically sprung across the isle, and began rummaging through his bag for a Potion or a Cura. He heard the stutter in Cloud's heart before it picked up it's pace, twice as quick.

He found a Potion, and gently lifted Cloud's head up, pouring the liquid past Cloud's partially open lips. He sighed in relief as Cloud recovered almost instantly. He sat back on the seat, pulling the Blond to him and holding him close.

It slowly dawned on him how close Cloud might have been to dying, and he blinked back tears. If he'd noticed earlier Cloud wouldn't of had to go through that, what kind of friend was he to have let this happen? He buried his face in the soft blond spikes and took a deep breath. He didn't want to lose Cloud. Angeal was gone, and Aerith as well since she'd broken up with him, saying they weren't meant to be together. Cloud was the only person he was close to now, and though he thought it was selfish, he didn't want to be alone.

Sure he had plenty of friends, but none understood him like Cloud. None would come to his apartment at three in the morning just because he had a nightmare like Cloud did. He recalled that night perfectly as he held Cloud throughout the rest of the train ride, stroking Cloud's blond-white hair.


	2. Chapter 2

Blue-Green eyes glared up at him accusingly, "You can't save anyone. Your to _weak_".

The voice echoed cruelly and Zack trembled in distress, his eyes were fixed on Angeal as his old mentor spoke.

"You can't save anyone", the man repeated to the seventeen year old coldly. Zack saw Angeal as he was before he began degrading, slightly tanned and black hair slicked back neatly. The Buster Sword was attached to his back, seated securely in it's harness. Zack was unarmed.

He had been so happy to see him at first, before the scathing words had been spoken.

"You are pathetic, I wonder how I saw any potential in you", Angeal mused disgustedly.

Zack recognized the Bath House with a jolt, and fell to his knees at the barrage of images flew through his mind. Cloud, severely injured and unable to stand. Tsueng nearly unconscious against the wall. Each were horribly distorted, with blood coating the floor and Cloud's sightless blue eyes glaring up at him in hatred. He wailed as painful emotions surged climatically in him.

Suddenly he crashed back into wakefulness, looking around his bedroom as tears fell from his eyes thickly. He sat back against the head board, pulling his knees close and resting his for-head on them as he sobbed. His black spikes, loose from their usual style, brushed his cheeks and stuck.

He didn't want to be alone, so he pulled his phone out, meaning to call Aerith. But he paused in dialing, remembering that they'd split apart just the day before. She wouldn't want to talk to him. He didn't know what to do and the reminder of their break up stung his already hurting heart.

Blond hair and blue eyes came to mind. Numbly he dialed Cloud's number, waiting to see if his friend would pick up. It rang twice.

"Whats wrong?", Cloud questioned quietly, guessing immediately that his friend wasn't well.

"Can you come over? Please?", Zack's voice was ragged and shaky, obviously desperate.

The other line was silent for the briefest second before Cloud replied, "Of course, I'll be right over".

Zack closed his phone and waited for his friend to show up. He breathed deeply, trying to calm down a little, though he couldn't stop crying. Angeal... Gods he'd fucked up. Angeal was dead. He'd killed him. But... He was so confused.

Cloud had no trouble getting in, Zack never locked his door, and went straight to the room. Zack felt Cloud's arms wrap around him and he turned, desperately wanting the embrace. He cried into his friend's white pajama shirt for some time, and the Blond rubbed his back comfortingly and held him tightly.

Zack felt safe in the protective grasp. He was beginning to fall asleep when he realized something. Cadets were never supposed to leave their quarters after 9:00PM, and not before 4:00AM. For their safety and the company's, Shinra said. Breaking that rule could lead to expulsion from the Infantry, and punishment of Soldier Candidates.

"Oh no", he groaned. He looked into Cloud's sky blue eyes nervously.

"It doesn't matter. You don't deserve to be alone", Cloud's gaze was filled with understanding, and his voice was soft and reassuring.

"I won't let them kick you out", Zack promised.

Cloud just nodded in acknowledgment.

"Did I wake you up?", Zack questioned sheepishly.

"No, I was already awake", Cloud answered while Zack moved closer to him. The black haired First felt so... Comforted at that moment that his heart sunk at the thought of Cloud leaving.

"Stay with me tonight?", he asked into Cloud's chest.

"Sure, anything", was the reply. When Zack fell asleep, he slid down so his head rested in Cloud's lap. He had nice dreams.

The Blond had continued to stroke his hair soothingly throughout the night. Undoubtedly the next day would be tiring since he hadn't slept at all, but it was well worth it to help Zack. That had been the night he realized just how much he had begun to love the older boy. So in his mind, it had been what he should do for the man he loved, even if that love would never be returned.


	3. Chapter 3

Zack returned to the present as the train lurched to a stop. He carefully stood and grabbed his and Cloud's bags before picking the Blond up and carrying him bridal style through the town and to the inn.

Strangely enough there was no one about, Costa Del Sol was usually packed. But no, the side walks were bare and no cars traveled on the roads. He thought it was creepy, having an unconscious Cloud in his arms didn't help any either.

He walked into the hotel, it was big, with a long, strange name he didn't want to pronounce. He walked to the register, spotting a man sitting at the Clerk's Desk.

"Zack Fair, Soldier First", Zack said.

The man nodded, his brown hair shifting listlessly. He handed Zack a key, "Room twelve, bottom floor", his voice was hoarse.

Zack walked away, slightly peeved. The man had never looked up, what hospitality.

Zack carefully layed Cloud onto one of the two single beds, making sure he was comfortable before setting their things down and exiting the room. He figured he could leave for a few minutes to ask the guy if he'd seen the 'unknown' monsters. More than likely they were just some Guard Hounds that someone didn't recognize. He stepped up to the desk, studying the man better than he had before. The guy was about six feet tall, brown hair, pale complection. Though he did look like he was recovering from a nasty flu.

"Excuse me, would you tell me about the monster reportings we've been getting?... And why no one is outside?", Zack asked. The man looked up, his eyes were brown. "Sure can, them mutts have been sighted a few times, ain't no beasts I've eva seen", he replied. Zack blinked at the slight accent before determining this man hadn't been a city guy.

"Okay, what about why the streets are empty?", Zack questioned. He inwardly sighed, this was the boring part. "Sick, the monsta's poisoned the air, it doesn't affect you Mako fellas though", Zack frowned. Maybe that was the cause of Cloud's illness. "What happens when you get sick?", he asked. "You get all queasy, then your vision goes and you pass out. If you don't get a potion or a Cure the person'll die within five minutes. I'm just recoverin myself", the man sighed.

"...Thanks, I might come talk to you again later", Zack said and hurried back to Cloud. Five minutes... He'd barely saved his Chocobo.

He walked in to find Cloud sitting up with his legs hanging over the side, his head was in his hands.

"Hey spiky, how are you doing?", Zack sat beside the Blonde and ruffled his hair softly.

"I'm tired", Cloud mumbled unsteadily. Zack frowned, Cloud sounded exhausted.

"I'm gonna call Sephiroth and inform him about the towns illness", he stated. Cloud didn't bother asking what he meant, he'd find out eventually.

Zack walked out into the hallway, flipping his phone open and dialing Sephiroths number.

"Zachary", Sephiroth stated as he answered.

"Hi Seph, we've got a problem down here. There's some sickness going on, really dangerous and it's air spread, so we need to quarantine Costa Del Sol", Zack informed. He didn't mention Cloud had gotten sick, the Blond would be humiliated.

"I understand. Return once the targets have been eliminated.", The General said. Zack looked down at his phone indignantly when Sephiroth hung up on him, more than a little irritated. He sighed and turned around, Cloud was laying down once again, eyes closed in a peaceful expression.

Zack paused beside the bed, observing worriedly before smiling. "Are you relaxing for once?", he teased. Cloud's blue eyes flew open and he began to sit up, "If I'm not supposed to I'll get up", he said hurriedly. Zack 'tsk'ed before grabbing Cloud around the waist and falling back on the bed so that they were chest to chest. He started laughing, "Uh uh, your gonna rest Cloudy"

Cloud was frozen against him and he suddenly remembered that his friend was not fond of touching.

"Is this... Okay?", he asked childishly.

Cloud relaxed a little, with a small nod, and looked up at Zack, studying his face. The older boy seemed tired as well... And sad.

"What's wrong?", he asked softly.

Zack closed his eyes, "Nothing".

Cloud watched him before sighing. "I know there's something wrong Zack, what is it?", the Blond prodded gently.

Zack shrugged lightly, he could feel tears pooling behind his eyelids, and his arms slid up so they wrapped around Cloud's chest and shoulder blades. "I'm sorry, so sorry", he whispered painfully. Cloud's heart burned at the knowledge that the man he loved was in pain.

"You shouldn't say that. You have nothing to be sorry for", he said.

Zack shook his head, his eyes were tightly shut in an attempt to hold his tears in, it failed though and they fell, drawing patterns on his cheeks.

"I should have done something, you almost died", his breath hitched as a sob tried to be let out.

He held it though, he didn't want to be weak. When Cloud started to sit up, Zack felt a fear as sharp as needles, it seemed to strike his heart.

"Don't go! Please... Please", he whispered, eyes wide open and staring fearfully up at Cloud.

The Blond pulled Zack into his arms, "I'll never leave you", he promised, "But you didn't do anything wrong, I didn't even notice how bad it was until now", he was reassuring, but Zack couldn't believe that Cloud really believed that.

So he cried, Cloud stroked his hair and whispered calm words to him, urging him to believe that he'd done nothing wrong. Cloud knew it was in Zack's nature to be so... Sad and guilty when someone he cared about was hurt, usually the First was strong and invincible to break. But it was possible during times like these. And these times were coming more frequantly, not that Cloud could blame him. So many things kept going wrong for Zack.

Eventually Cloud layed back down, Zack snuggled closer to him, much better now. He felt safe. It was the only word to describe it, he felt warm and happy and content in Cloud's arms. He could feel himself drifting off and briefly wondered about Cloud's no touching rule. "Is this... Okay?", he asked again, just as innocently.

Cloud looked at him, "It's perfectly fine", he assured.

Zack smiled and closed his eyes. He fell asleep quickly. Cloud stayed awake for an hour or so, rubbing his back and comforting him, even in his sleep.

When morning came, Cloud's face showed no sign of the tears he had shed while Zack was sleeping. His tears were made from his sadness that he could never have what he wanted with Zack, and so, for that night, he simply wished his beloved sweet dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

Zack hummed impatiently as he watched Cloud double checking their supplies the next morning. "Are we ready Choco?", he asked, grinning impishly as exasperation flashed across the Blonde's face. Cloud sighed in a woeful way, and zipped the last pack up, "Yes Zack, let's go" Said First blinked as his friend disappeared out of the room, carrying the packs. "Hey! _I'm_ the boss! I should of said that!", Zack hollered as he chased his friend outside. He was back to his happy, hyper self, and Cloud was glad to see him like that again. He didn't like seeing his friend so vulnerable, Zack was a strong person, but he took it upon himself to feel guilty when it wasn't needed.

They were heading towards the last sighting, about five miles out of Costa Del Sol, to try and find the monsters that had been reported. Zack popped up with a random question three minutes into their walk, shattering Cloud's playful hope that silence would prevail. "Have you ever thought about quitting Shinra?", Zack asked it jokingly, but he really did want to know, he wanted to know if Cloud would leave. Cloud slowed, almost to a stop, before returning to his normal pace. "Yeah...", he said softly, staring straight ahead. Zack felt a painful thump in his chest from that tiny reply. "Why?", he managed out, though he was barely audible. "I couldn't find anything to keep me here", sure he'd promised Tifa, but she didn't really mean anything to him. She'd never helped him in the past. "Then what kept you here?", Zack asked, swallowing the lump of fear in his throat. Cloud was here now, so he must have found something to hold him. "You", was the simple reply. "Me?!", Zack gaped in shock, he certainly hadn't expected that. "You don't deserve to be alone, I understand how you feel", Cloud said, grinning as he watched Zack's face softened. "Thanks Choco. It means a lot to me", Zack said honestly. They continued in a companionable silence, once they reached the area, they looked around. "Hmph, this is too easy", Zack complained, pointing towards a large burrow in the ground. Cloud's eyebrow arched, Zack looked disappointed. "Just means we can leave sooner", he said, laughing. "Awww... I like it here! It's all... Eh, what the hell am I saying! Let's do this!", Zack whooped. They approached more cautiously. "Well Spiky, looks like your smallness has finally come in handy", Zack teased. Cloud stared at him indignantly, forgave him and turn to study the hole, Zack certainly wouldn't fit, but he might. "If something happens, you'll help me right?", he asked warily. Zack nodded, "Course Chocobo" Cloud pulled his pack off, and crawled in, it was dark, and really dirty. Outside, Zack heard his friend sneeze and started laughing. "Hahaha, it must suck in there", he said to himself.

Cloud noticed that the tunnel went quite a ways, while he was focused on that, he didn't notice the dent in the floor. The dirt crumpled, and the soil beneath him collapsed. He fell about ten feet, landing on a stone floor with a sickening thud that reverberated through the cavern and into the tunnel. Zack heard a muffled thump on the outside and was immediately worried. "Spiky? Hey, Spike? CLOUD?!", he shouted. When he got no response, he panicked. Zack pulled a Earthquake Materia from Cloud's pack and released a level one. The ground shifted a little, widening the hole slightly. He was afraid, Cloud wasn't answering and he needed to know his friend was okay. He didn't care that he was alerting the monsters that they were there, he needed to get to Cloud.

His head hurt like hell. Cloud's vision cleared after a few minutes, and he realized that his head wasn't the only thing pounding. Trickles of dirt fell to the stone floor as the earth above him shifted, and he worried that it might collapse. He stood up unsteadily, brushing some dirt out of his hair, and looked around. The cavern was moderately large, about twenty feet in diameter, it wasn't completely round, one side tapered of into a hallway of sorts. Cloud was about to call for Zack, to let him know that he was fine, when a chill ran up his spine and he heard a huffing sound behind him. Slowly he turned, in the passageway, a wolf like animal crouched, panting lightly. It was small and grey, Cloud backed up, looking for an escape route, he was armed with his baton and one fire Materia, he'd left the rest in Zack's care, and didn't know if he could take the monster. He needed to warn Zack though, and it was his job to record any unclassified monsters. Even if things weren't going as planned. He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket, and selected the record feature, video taping the wolf. When he thought he had sufficient footage, he sent it to Zack, as the wolf finally lunged.

Zack cursed when his cell vibrated, he didn't have time for it. But he paused briefly to check who it was from, upon seeing Cloud's name, he scrambled to open it. When the video started, he immediately noticed the monster, it was a wolf, like a Nibelheim Wolf, only smaller, and grey. Zack wondered why Cloud sent this to him, though he was relieved that the Blonde was well enough to handle his phone. He watched for a little bit longer, before it finally dawned on him. Those noises in the background, and the falling soil, Cloud had taped this. "Oh... _SHIT_!", he shouted, startling the birds who hadn't been disturbed by the previous noise. He released one last Earthquake and scrambled in easily, it was big enough that he could run on his feet while bending down. He noticed the hole easily and leapt down, guessing that Cloud had fallen through. His assumption was correct, but he felt no triumph as he landed, taking in the scene that was in front of him numbly,

Cloud's back was against the wall, his left arm crushed between the two, his other was holding the baton. The wolf had its jaws around his throat, only being held off by the baton placed in the monsters mouth and resting against his pale neck. Their eyes met, Zack's scared and angry that the monster had dared to attack Cloud, and said Blonde's glowing in a silent plea for help. Help that Zack gladly gave. He leapt at the animal, pulling his sword from his back in one swift movement. The blade swept through the air landing solidly in the wolf's neck and decapitating it. Usually he would have used the blunt side, but it had attacked Cloud, possibly harmed him. That Was. Unacceptable. He'd promised to protect his friend, like Cloud had promised not to leave him, neither would break a promise, ever. "Are you okay?", Zack asked, glaring at the monsters body. "I'm fine", Cloud whispered, before he sank against the wall and sat down, his knees resting against his chest as he hugged himself. "Cloud?!", Zack crouched beside him, resting his hand on his friends head. "I thought you said you were fine?", Zack said anxiously, and tried to get Cloud to look at him. "I am... Just, a little surprised", Cloud replied. He took a shuddered breath and looked up at Zack, "If there are more... I don't want to kill them" Zack blinked in confusion, Cloud didn't want to kill them? What the hell? "Why the hell not?", he asked. Cloud flinched and looked at the monsters head sadly, "It was human... Or rather, humane" Zack shook his head in disbelief, "Your joking? That thing tried to kill you!" Cloud stood up abruptly, pulling away from Zack, "You don't understand" Zack stood as well, glaring at his companion. "No, Cloud. You don't understand, you're fucking stupid to stand up for that thing", Zack bit out harshly. Cloud reeled around to look at him, his face the perfect picture of hurt. The First regretted his words as soon as he said them, he was angry that Cloud had been in danger, and he'd taken it out on him. Sure the Blonde had probably been called worse, but he'd never heard it from a friend. His first friend. "Cloud I-", Zack only managed that before a whooshing sound behind him was heard. Cloud leapt at him, shoving him out of the way of whatever was coming. Zack hit the ground in a roll, twisting sideways and landing on his heels. A pained gasp sounded through the dusty air, a monster, similar to the grey wolf, but black and larger, had it's jaw clamped over Cloud's chest, the fangs sinking deep and green saliva dripping into the wound. Cloud sank to his knees as Zack rushed at them, Buster Sword aimed for the wolf's stomach. The monster dodged, ripping out of Cloud, it's teeth tearing flesh.

Cloud barely noticed the fight that took place, his vision was fogged and he had dropped flat out onto the ground, his blood pooling around around him. All he really noticed was the wolf's cry as the blade struck the fatal blow. He felt sad that the creature had to die, he really did. They seemed so... He couldn't really explain. They just seemed human. He felt Zack drop to his side as the pain intensified, it felt like his chest was burning. "Cloud?", Zack questioned. He pulled the Blonde into his arms, wincing as Cloud moaned in pain. "Talk to me, please...", he begged softly, the tears were already pooling. "Zack... You okay?", Cloud mumbled dazedly. "Yeah, I'll fix you up, just hold on", he cast Cura on his friend, but when it did nothing he felt his heart stutter in fear. "No...", Cloud lay limp in his arms, bleeding to death. And he couldn't do anything. He didn't have any potions on him, he'd thought that a Cura could handle anything and he wouldn't need to bring one. He tried casting Cura several more times before he didn't have the energy to do it anymore. "Stay awake! Cloud do you hear me?!", he asked as he flipped his cell open. He hit speed dial, calling Sephiroth, and barely heard Cloud's breathless reply of yes. Sephiroth answered on the second ring, "What's the matter Zack?", he questioned. "Seph! Gaia, Cloud's hurt and he's not responding to Cura! He's bleeding all over and I can't help him!", Zack panicked. "Try to staunch the bleeding, I'll come with a medic team", and just like that the line went dead. Zack dropped the phone and shook Cloud lightly, "Cloud! Come on talk to me!" Cloud whimpered, his eyes opening to reveal that lovely sky color. "It hurts...", he said painfully. "I know, you promised me you wouldn't leave me right? So stay awake", Zack ordered. Cloud hm'ed an okay, closing his eyes and relaxing slightly. When Cloud's eyes shut and he went limp, Zack's heart nearly stopped beating. He was about to start freaking out when Cloud started talking again. Almost to quiet to hear, but with enhanced senses Zack could make what he was saying out without to much problem.

Cloud had decided to tell Zack about his childhood. He had realized that he was dieing, and that he'd never really told Zack about Nibelheim. So he would now.

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Hm... That seems longer than the other chapters... Oh well. Chapter 4 done and I hope you review! (:


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry guys, I know some of you are freaked out about the whole Cloud dying, but, I would have mentioned that in the summary if it were to happen. So no worries, yeah?

* * *

"They didn't like me", Cloud mused. Zack listened with rapt attention, he'd taken his shirt off and was using it to help staunch the blood flow. But it didn't seem to be helping. He didn't know whether to let Cloud continue or shush him, maybe the blonde was trying to... Forget, what was happening. Zack's own curious nature had been wondering why Cloud was so submissive and quiet, and it urged him to continue. But the more logical side understood that it took energy away to talk, and Cloud shouldn't waste his energy on something so trivial. But the Blonde was oblivious to his internal struggle and continued, eyes shut and body limp. "I never understood why... I tried so hard to fit in, I remember one day Tifa and three other village kids decided to go to the Mako Reactor, as stupid as it was. I followed, though I wouldn't be much help if something happened I thought it best that they have some sort of back up", Cloud stopped as a shudder ripped through him, he almost cried out, but he made himself stay quiet. For Zack's sake.

Zack felt panicky as Cloud stayed silent for a few seconds after he stilled, the shiver had not seemed all that dreadful, but he was no medic. He spoke to Cloud in a frantic tone, belaying the misery he was feeling at that second, "Cloud? Hey are you awake spike? You promised come on!" Sky Blue eyes opened tiredly and gazed at him in the most heart breaking way, tired, and pained, and _pleading_. "I wish I could sleep", the Blonde Cadet whispered. He knew that he couldn't, but he was so damned _sleepy! _"You can't, Cloud please! Tell me the rest of your story!", Zack pressed. Cloud sighed breathlessly and closed his eyes, his face held a concentrated look. "So I followed them", he whispered, "All the way up the mountain and to the old bridge. As soon as I saw it I knew that they shouldn't go out onto it, it looked really unstable. I walked closer and heard them debating on who should go first. I told them it wasn't a good idea, they ignored me, and Tifa walked out on to the thing" Zack almost yelled when Cloud started coughing violently, startling him out of his mental image of the story. Blood overflowed from his mouth and trickled down his lips and chin and then neck. The boy was half sitting because Zack was holding him in his arms. Zack waited a few seconds, praying that his Chocobo was still conscious. Finally Cloud spoke again, though his voice trembled with effort and pain. "Thing broke, I was t-the only one to reach f-for her. We both f-fell. Hit a bunch o-of stuff, she landed i-in the water and I hit s-stone. H-had to help h-her, unconscious and about to d-drown. I had a broken arm, some r-ribs, she was just b-bruised", the kid broke off to inhale as deeply as he could, wincing as the oxygen rattled through his lungs. Zack worriedly pressed his hands harder against the wound apologizing in horror as Cloud let out a strangled scream. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean- I just- I'm sorry", he whimpered and buried his face in the white blonde hair. "S-s'okay", Cloud panted. He could tell Zack was crying, he could tell he was dying, he could tell Zack didn't mean to hurt him. The darkness in his vision swept over him without warning, and he barely got a sorrowful whisper out before he lost all thought.

"Zack", the faint word jolted Zack's senses, the pain in his friend's voice unbearable. As soon as he realized Cloud was not moving or speaking, his head shot up and he stared down in horror at his young friend. The boy was unconscious. His breath hitched and a sob echoed throughout the cavern, "NO, no, no", he shouted, clutching the small Blonde closer to him. He held on tightly, keeping pressure on the wound and begging Gaia that his friend would make it.

Cloud's body was racked with shudders, not strong enough to make him move much, but simple vibrations that if Zack had known, shook a person to their core.

They had a while to wait, an hour at least. Eventually, the shivers faded away, as did the fragile beating of the boy's heart, creating a painful silence.

Breathing hitched and blinded by tears, Zack wasted no time, laying Cloud flat and attempting CPR, with little response. Each beat was sluggish and weighted down, he felt sick, hearing the dead thumps, knowing that they were hopeless taunts. He pulled away with a wail of despair, and held his friend's body close to him.

He traced the pale face carefully, admiring how peaceful Cloud looked. "Wake up", he whispered, "Please wake up. You promised..." But he'd promised too, promised to protect Cloud, and he hadn't. He hated that he had given up, that he wasn't trying to bring his friend back.

The last of the time passed and he barely noticed the medics until they were pulling Cloud from him. He reached out desperately, only to have his wrist caught by a black leathered hand. He looked up, and saw Sephiroth. The man's face belayed no expression, but his eyes were filled with pain and regret, he had truly cared for the Blonde Cadet Cloud Strife.

Zack had his arms wrapped around The Generals waist in an instant, sobbing into his chest. At first the Silver haired man was shocked, but immediately set to reassuring his Second In Command that they would try to help Cloud. "They have been ordered to do everything possible to revive him, shh, Pup, it'll be okay", he murmured in a startlingly compassionate voice to those witnessing the heart wrenching scene. He lead Zack out, making the jump to the roof instead of using the ladder that had been lowered down. He carried most of Zack's weight, not only was the black haired first emotionally devastated, but he was exhausted from repetitive Materia use. He took his friend to the pavilion being set up, Cloud's body laying on an operating table and Hojo getting ready for whatever he thought would bring Cloud back. Sephiroth felt uncomfortable seeing that man so close to someone he cared for, he held Cloud close to his heart, along with Zack and his other departed friends. His SiC had spoken about Cloud often, remarking on the strength he held, and how he had such a low self-esteem.

He handed Zack over to a nurse, supervising her sternly as she handed him an Elixir, she waited for him to drink it before turning away and going to get a wash clothe and spare clothing so Zack could clean up and change out of his blood drenched ones. Zack shivered as the rush of energy flowed through him, and he numbly accepted the cloth from the women when she returned with his clothes. She looked up at The General with a stern expression and he nodded. He would not bother Zack to much. She patted Zack's head comfortingly and left, leaving the two alone in the little tent. Zack sat there, looking lost and Sephiroth sighed and teasingly asked, "Are you so inept that you cannot change?"

Zack came to life at Sephiroth's question, changing hurriedly. He paused as he went to throw the clothing away, _'Cloud's blood...', _he thought, lingering between disgust and reverence.

He threw the clothing from him in a sudden fit of fury, shouting loud enough for everyone in the camp to cringe, "I SHOULD HAVE PROTECTED HIM!" Sephiroth stood up calmly, though his eyes were wide with surprise, "I am assuming that there is nothing you could of done, you should not blame yourself", he said soothingly. "Dammit", the younger cursed brokenly.

They waited in silence for some sort of news, Zack trying not to hope but finding himself doing so as time wore on. If it was taking so long then there must be something worth fighting for, right? He was dozing off when the tent flap opened and someone came in, Zack immediately looked up, and shuddered as he saw Hojo. looked smug, Zack didn't know whether that was good or... something else. "The patient has been revived and is currently unconscious. Though he's unstable and poisoned by the Mako used to... Bring him back", Hojo snickered in a sick way. "He's alive? He'll be okay right?!", Zack questioned franticly. "Yes, yes. Given time the boy should be fine", Hojo said in an annoyed tone, before turning and leaving the tent without dismissal. Sephiroth growled softly at the in-subordination, but smiled at the look on Zack's face. Zack was positively _glowing_ with joy. "We will return to Midgar now Zack", Sephiroth said, allowing the happiness he felt to creep into his voice. Zack nodded, smiling softly and they went to the helicopter that would be transporting them, Cloud would be on another with some medical staff and the lunatic scientist.

Sephiroth sighed in a long suffering way as he thought about the commotion Cloud's revival would cause, it was rare that someone could be brought back to life...


	6. Chapter 6

_Okay, sixth chapter, enjoy_

* * *

Zack sat at Cloud's bedside, reluctant to leave his comatose friend for more than a few in a comfortable chair, no more than a foot between him and the Cadet. Three weeks. He'd been sitting there for three weeks waiting for his Chocobo to wake up. Only he hadn't.

Zack was almost asleep, the nurses were kind enough to let the rules slip and allow him to stay a few days a week. He thought about what he was going to do with his life, now that his plans with Aerith were only memories. Such thoughts depressed him, because they all ended up to the painful break up, Cloud had often distracted him, in his quiet way. Now that Cloud couldn't, the thoughts ran rampant and out of check.

'_What can I do? I thought Aerith was the 'one', and she won't return my calls, let alone talk to me in person...", _he thought morosely. He looked at Cloud, and other thoughts came to mind, the battle field, innocent people lying dead, people who didn't deserve it. He didn't want Cloud to face that, not at all.

_'He doesn't deserve it, he wouldn't even be here if not for me...', _Zack thought. That led him to think about his feelings for the Blonde boy, he came up empty on what to call the emotion surging through him though... Maybe... Brotherly love? But no, it felt stronger than that. Did he.. Was he in _love _with _Cloud?_ He felt his breathe hitch in surprise and nearly fell off his chair. He _loved _Cloud Strife!

He watched the boy with wide eyes, and clambered back into his chair, pulling it closer and resting his head on Cloud's bed. "Come on Spike... You gotta wake up", he whispered. No movement came and no answer was given, he felt tears slide down his face and closed his eyes in silent sadness.

He shivered. Lifting a trembling hand to brush away white blonde hair before opening his eyes. A white room, a white mattress, but a black spot on his right side. Turning his head, he realized it wasn't a spot, but a person. A special person, it was _Zack_.

Cloud smiled, he couldn't remember what happened, but he assumed he'd gotten hurt. He could feel something pressing at the back of his mind, and wondered if they were his missing memories. They seemed so close to emerging.

Zack mumbled something and Cloud almost asked him what he'd said before realizing the older boy was asleep, head resting on a bent arm that lay on the bed, his other grasping the sheets with a vice like grip. "You promised you wouldn't leave me", he whispered in the most heart broken way, and Cloud felt the restraint at the back of his mind bust, letting the memories flow through.

The mission, sickness and Zack's sadness. A hole, dirt all around him as he fell, a fight and death. Another attack, sudden pain, more fighting, panic, talking, then...darkness... Sudden light, green and soft, that felt warm and seemed to encase him. He clutched his head at the barrage of images and emotions, before feeling them... Settle into place... That's how it felt.

Zack cried out softly in his sleep, and Cloud forced himself to move from the near fetal position he was in. Sitting up and putting one hand on Zack's hair, and the other on the railing to his left, he felt slightly nauseas.

His stroked Zack's hair soothingly, trying to 'rouse him from his nightmare, "Zack, wake up", he said. The older boy shivered and his eyes opened in a blind rush of panic, "CLOUD!" He sat up so fast he nearly tipped the chair backwards, Zack hardly dared to look at Cloud, in fear that he was still dreaming. Realizing such, Cloud reached over and grasped his hand, squeezing gently, "It's okay, are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. But what about you? You've been... Unconscious", Zack winced, he felt guilty for giving up on Cloud when his heart stopped, obviously it hadn't been his time and he'd just let his friend suffer. Cloud recognized the signs of shame in Zack, and hurried to eliminate them. "Come here", he softly ordered and held his arms out. The older boy moved slowly, crawling onto the bed and into Cloud's embrace with the look of an extremely sad puppy.

"You shouldn't feel guilty for what happened, it was out of our control", he rubbed the black haired boy's back comfortingly, Zack put his face in Cloud's chest, he didn't want Cloud to see him cry anymore. A small sob made his body tremble and he was sure that Cloud noticed, and of course he was right. "Oh Zack, don't cry, you did nothing wrong", Cloud reassured. Cloud's heart felt like it was breaking, seeing his love crying over him, and tears made their own way down his pale cheeks.

If anything, Cloud knowing that he was crying like a child made Zack sob harder, he didn't know that Cloud was so sad as well. He felt like a burden to his Blonde angel. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Cloud. Please, I- please...", he trailed off.

Cloud made Zack look up at him, and the other boy was shocked into silence when he saw the tears. Cloud _never_ cried, ever. Sometimes Zack would see his eyes sparkling and know his friend was about to cry, but he never did. To make Cloud cry was a soul-less blasphemy.

And he'd just committed the crime.

"You have _nothing _to be sorry for Zack, I'm alive because of you. Do you know how many times you've saved my life?", Cloud prompted.

Zack shook his head mutely, trying to still his tears and reaching up to Cloud's face. Gently he wiped the tears away, "I made you cry", he said numbly. Cloud shook his head and sighed, he reached over to the counter beside his bed and grabbed a few tissues conveniently placed there. He wiped away the tear tracks from Zack's face, looking into his stunned eyes. "I've told you before, you've done nothing wrong. I'd like to see you happy again so perk up, okay puppy?", he said in a soft but pleading tone.

Zack nodded slowly, and stood up, excusing himself to the bathroom. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, and after deciding he looked like crap splashed some cold water on his face.

Cloud was so forgiving, maybe to much for Shinra. He didn't want to see his Chocobo hurt, and he knew that the Blonde would if he stayed. Zack didn't know what to do, how could he get Cloud to leave? Their conversation in Costa Del Sol's out-skirts came back to him suddenly, and he knew how.

* * *

_"Have you ever thought about quitting Shinra?", Zack asked it jokingly, but he really did want to know, he wanted to know if Cloud would leave._

_Cloud slowed, almost to a stop, before returning to his normal pace. "Yeah...", he said softly, staring straight ahead. Zack felt a painful thump in his chest from that tiny reply. _

_"Why?", he managed out, though he was barely audible. "I couldn't find anything to keep me here", sure he'd promised Tifa, but she didn't really mean anything to him. She'd never helped him in the past. _

_"Then what kept you here?", Zack asked, swallowing the lump of fear in his throat. Cloud was here now, so he must have found something to hold him. "You", was the simple reply. _

_"Me?!", Zack gaped in shock, he certainly hadn't expected that. "You don't deserve to be alone, I understand how you feel", Cloud said, grinning as he watched Zack's face soften._

_"Thanks Choco. It means a lot to me", Zack said honestly. _

* * *

'_He stays for me...'_, Zack thought. Warmed by the confession. If he could convince Cloud that he wasn't worth staying for then his friend would go home. It pained him to know he might never see Cloud again, never see those sky blue eyes or the friendship they held, the careful hands that bound a wound easily and with no discomfort to the patient. Oh Gaia, he didn't want to do this!

But... Cloud's safety was more important than his want, so he would do it. He took steady breaths to calm himself and walked back out. Cloud was still in bed, laying down with his eyes closed. "Are you okay now?", the Cadet asked without moving. "Been better", he answered. Cloud sighed, "I'm sorry Zack"

"Why? You haven't done anything", Zack said slightly irked that Cloud was blaming himself for something... And he was feeling the irony of the situation.

"All I ever seem to do is cause trouble, I-", The Blonde groped for the right words to express his inner loathing, but found himself unsuccessful.

Zack sighed, he could take advantage of Cloud's feelings, use them to drive him away. He didn't want to though, he wanted just one more day with Cloud at the very least. But his logical side, the one trained by Shinra told him that this was the perfect opportunity, that it was better to make a clean cut than to let it wear on.

Making his decision swiftly, he spoke, letting the loathing he felt for himself flow into his voice, "Yeah I know, that's why I'm not bothering anymore" Cloud's eyes, previously closed, opened in shock, "Z-Zack? What do you mean?", Cloud asked in a fearful tone. "I mean I don't _care_ how much Kunsel bet that I could make you worth _something. _It's no use, your to weak and pathetic to ever join Shinra", the cruelty of his words affected him as much as Cloud. He would never be forgiven for this.

Zack turned around and started to leave the room, "Such a stupid little dope, he actually thought someone would want to be his friend! Chaw, as if", Zack scoffed. He pulled the door open and walked out, never turning or looking behind him. Cloud never saw the tears that he shed. The boy lay in shock, watching as his secret love left, what he assumed, was his life...

Zack slid to the floor once getting beyond the door, and let tremors of horror rack his body. How could he have done that? The look on Cloud's face... He shook in sorrow, in pain, and fear. Fear because he had just betrayed his love, the one who cared for him, and he may never get the chance to apologize. He cried just outside the room, careful not to let his cries become too loud.

Cloud was numb at first, before a needle sharp pain pierced his heart and he let out a chilling wail of despair and pain. Nurses ran to his room and called the Medical doctor, thinking he might be in shock. Only one of the older nurses saw Zack slip away, tears heavy, and pieced together what was going on. She put comforting arms around Cloud, like she would do with one of her grand-children, and tried soothing him. Yet nothing would help and he continued to wail in pain, eventually they were forced to sedate him.

Fast asleep, his tears did not slow and it was obvious he was having a nightmare, but a nightmare was better than the chance of hurting himself.

The old lady sat at her desk later that day, typing on her computer to fill in a patients medical report, when the door opened. She looked up and felt a cold chill of disgust. Hojo. He approached her desk, managing to look smug. "May I help you _Professor_ Hojo?", she asked politely.

"Hmph, take me to Cadet Cloud Strife", he ordered snidely. "I'm sorry sir, Cloud Strife is currently anesthetized due to shock, it will have to wait until the morning", she replied. She felt uneasy that this man would be interested in a young cadet, even if said cadet was very talented. "Hn... Then wake him up, now unless you want to lose your job", he demanded and strutted around the desk, pulling her from her seat and shoving her into the hall. "Now", he repeated.

She obeyed, seething in fury, this was _her _patient, and she was being ordered to disturb his already restless sleep for _Hojo's_ profit. Entering the room, she quietly walked over to the boy, it had been a couple hours and the sedatives had worn off, thankfully he had remained sleeping. He was so young, barely fifteen, and he had had such a harsh time lately.

She gently shook his shoulders and told him to wake up, his eyes opened slowly, still shining with tears that immediately began to leak from the corners of his eyes. She wiped them away and started to reassure him, but Hojo broke into what she was saying. "This is all very sentimental, but I need to talk with him, so _get out_", he ordered. She nearly told him to get out, but thinking better of it, she exited, giving Cloud one last assuring pat.

Now that they were alone, Hojo came to sit at the chair previously occupied by one First Class. "Cloud, I have a proposition for you...", Hojo smirked twistedly, and studied the child in front of him.


	7. Chapter 7

His instincts told him to get away from Hojo, that it was insane to listen to what the man had to say, but hadn't his instincts told him that Zack wouldn't hurt him? So, he found himself nodding, he didn't speak a word though and didn't move from his fetal position on the bed.

Hojo smirked down at the boy, he couldn't wait to begin the experiments, and he'd have them. Whether Cloud Strife said yes or no. "I have discovered that you have a low tolerance for Mako, but you also absorb it better than most Soldiers. While you were unconscious you went through surgery and I had to use a small amount of Mako to save your life", Hojo snickered, that was undoubtedly why the child had been unconscious for so long, the people here were just to stupid to realize that.

Cloud had planned on dropping out of the Soldier program since... But now it seemed that wouldn't happen. If he had any Mako in him, Shinra probably wouldn't let him go. He wondered why they sent Hojo to tell him this though...

The thoughts of Soldier and Mako were reminding him of Zack and he almost started crying again, as it was, a tear slid down his cheek.

"Are you in pain?", Hojo questioned, he couldn't understand how Cloud could be in enough physical pain to cry when an I.V. drip, set up by the nurse before she left, contained Morphine. Though he suspected it may be something more due to shock.

Cloud shook his head, and when Hojo pried for a reason he refused to tell. "Well then, let's get on with business", Hojo growled irritably, this child was getting on his nerves. "Because of your exposure to Mako, you will not be allowed to leave the Shinra incorporation for seven years, however, you may have a place in the science lab, working as one of my assistants. Would you be interested in joining me?", the triumphant smirk was once again in place. Hojo could care less whether Cloud decided to join or not, he would have him either way, having the child choose to come with him would just be less of a hassle. Also, Cloud would _not_ be an assistant, he'd be a _specimen_, but Hojo hardly saw a difference, both worked for the greater good. His enjoyment was also a key factor.

Cloud had finally opened his eyes, seeing the look on Hojo's face was more than a little disturbing, yet it seemed slightly out of focus, far off into his own mind Cloud presumed. The offer... Was tempting... The Science department hardly dealt with Soldier except to inject Mako injections, he wouldn't be bothering Zack, and he could probably wheedle his way out of ever giving the injections. But something felt so _wrong_, terribly terribly wrong. He knew Hojo could not be trusted, but... It wasn't like he'd be in any danger right?

Dammit, he felt so confused! And hurt, so very hurt, how could... No, he wouldn't think about it! Never! Never again! Zack was the past, he'd wanted nothing to do with him, he'd never wanted anything to do with him! He had to leave him alone and the only way to do that would be to disappear, and the only way he could do that would to be with Hojo!

"I'll do it...", Cloud whispered. Hojo nodded and stood, exiting without a word. Once outside the hall, he released a long stream of cackles that eerily resembled a mad man's laughter.

Cloud felt as if he'd made a terrible decision, and the feeling was so strong... He let out a low sob, he'd done something very bad and now he couldn't take it back. The door opened again, but he payed little attention, he heard a sigh and felt frail hands petting his head. On a normal occasion he would have swatted the hands away, and he tried, but he had no strength to, curled up the way he was and partially drugged. Another sigh, and the hands pulled away.

Soon he felt the effects of a sedative kick in and realized that it must have come through the I.V. He fell into a painful sleep, bitter-sweet memories showing him the man he loved full of laughter and kindness. They were all wasted though as the only nightmare that had and ever would haunt him, crossed his mind. Zack...

* * *

He felt... So guilty.

Zack tried to ignore the curious glances of his co-workers, but each one reminded him of his painful decision. They knew he was close to Cloud, and that he'd usually be there with him, yet here he was, finally tackling the mounds of paperwork he neglected constantly. It was more than enough to rouse a persons curiosity. They didn't ask what was wrong though, as they could feel the deadly mood he was in and none wanted to bother him at the moment. Except for one. Sephiroth.

The General sat at another desk in their shared office, studying his companion. The boy looked distraught, and miserable. He wondered if it had to do with Cloud or if it was something else... His black haired friend had come in yesterday obviously upset, before sitting in his chair and putting his head down. He stayed like that for the rest of the night, eventually Sephiroth left to go to his apartment and sleep, Zack however remained. Once the silver haired man had returned he found, to his jaw dropping shock, that Zack was really working on paperwork.

Sephiroth sighed, and got up, walking over to his friend. "Zack, are you okay? You seem upset", the General asked, though not dully, concern was quite evident in the man's voice.

Zack's eyes closed, and a pained sigh escaped him. He felt his friend's hand on his shoulder, silently asking for an explanation. "I... I did something... bad?", was it bad? It felt like it, but this was helping Cloud so it must be good... It felt so wrong though.

"Bad? What could you have ever done, that would upset you so?", Sephiroth questioned. He was growing worried that it wasn't something simple and easily dealt with, but he needed to know first so he could do everything possible to help his friend. "I told Cloud- I said... That our friendship was fake, that I didn't care and I didn't mean it but... I said it to help him", Zack's throat closed up and a strangled breath escaped him.

He looked up, meeting Sephiroth's shocked and slightly furious gaze. "How would that help him Zachary? Explain that to me because I have yet to see the logic in your decision", Sephiroth seethed, he'd only met Cloud briefly, yet it was easy to see the innocence practically radiating off of him.

It was also terribly simple to see how breakable the boy was and how much trust he gave Zack, allowing the First to drag him anywhere and everywhere without fear for his safety. A feet none had accomplished besides Cloud, even Sephiroth, who had been afraid when Zack dragged him off, could not apply that amount of trust. Why had Zack done something so... Horrible, for lack of terms?

"He won't have anything to stay for... He'll leave and be safe. Right?", Zack's eyes pleaded for reassurance, that he had chosen correctly, and Sephiroth could understand what had driven him to do it. But he was still pissed. "I can see your reasoning, but was that the only option?", he asked. Silent tears rolled down Zack's face and he buried his face in his arms. Sephiroth immediately regretted his harsh tone, "Zack, can you not speak with him again? Tell him the truth?"

"I can't, he needs to leave ShinRa. He probably hates me anyway", Zack shuddered, the reality of just what he had lost not yet settling in. Sephiroth sighed, he could hardly believe Zack had done something like this, he cared so much for Cloud that Sephiroth suspected there was more to it than friendship. But how could he do this to a probable lover?

Not one to initiate physical contact but doing so never the less, Sephiroth reached over and patted Zack's shoulder awkwardly. Really he was no help in situations such as these. Zack seemed appreciative of the effort, and sighed a thanks. "I want you to get some rest, and something to eat as well", Sephiroth ordered. Zack nodded and stood up, walking out of the office and through the halls, he received curious glances and meek waves of hello, but ignored all.

Once he got to his apartment he walked in and took a shower. The warm water soothed his muscles, and for a second he could forget what he'd done, forget the look on Cloud's face and the heart wrenching cries. But it was only a second before reality came crashing down. He would never have the friendship he used to have with his friend back, Cloud would never comfort him again.

He collapsed on his bed without bothering to eat, he wasn't hungry. He layed awake for another hour, wishing he could take back what he'd done, before he finally fell asleep. His sleep as dark as the only future he could imagine.

* * *

His instincts told him to get away from Hojo, that it was insane to listen to what the man had to say, but hadn't his instincts told him that Zack wouldn't hurt him? So, he found himself nodding, he didn't speak a word though and didn't move from his fetal position on the bed.

Hojo smirked down at the boy, he couldn't wait to begin the experiments, and he'd have them. Whether Cloud Strife said yes or no. "I have discovered that you have a low tolerance for Mako, but you also absorb it better than most Soldiers. While you were unconscious you went through surgery and I had to use a small amount of Mako to save your life", Hojo snickered, that was undoubtedly why the child had been unconscious for so long, the people here were just to stupid to realize that.

Cloud had planned on dropping out of the Soldier program since... But now it seemed that wouldn't happen. If he had any Mako in him, Shinra probably wouldn't let him go. He wondered why they sent Hojo to tell him this though...

The thoughts of Soldier and Mako were reminding him of Zack and he almost started crying again, as it was, a tear slid down his cheek.

"Are you in pain?", Hojo questioned, he couldn't understand how Cloud could be in enough physical pain to cry when an I.V. drip, set up by the nurse before she left, contained Morphine. Though he suspected it may be something more due to shock.

Cloud shook his head, and when Hojo pried for a reason he refused to tell. "Well then, let's get on with business", Hojo growled irritably, this child was getting on his nerves. "Because of your exposure to Mako, you will not be allowed to leave the Shinra incorporation for seven years, however, you may have a place in the science lab, working as one of my assistants. Would you be interested in joining me?", the triumphant smirk was once again in place. Hojo could care less whether Cloud decided to join or not, he would have him either way, having the child choose to come with him would just be less of a hassle. Also, Cloud would _not_ be an assistant, he'd be a _specimen_, but Hojo hardly saw a difference, both worked for the greater good. His enjoyment was also a key factor.

Cloud had finally opened his eyes, seeing the look on Hojo's face was more than a little disturbing, yet it seemed slightly out of focus, far off into his own mind Cloud presumed. The offer... Was tempting... The Science department hardly dealt with Soldier except to inject Mako injections, he wouldn't be bothering Zack, and he could probably wheedle his way out of ever giving the injections. But something felt so _wrong_, terribly terribly wrong. He knew Hojo could not be trusted, but... It wasn't like he'd be in any danger right?

Dammit, he felt so confused! And hurt, so very hurt, how could... No, he wouldn't think about it! Never! Never again! Zack was the past, he'd wanted nothing to do with him, he'd never wanted anything to do with him! He had to leave him alone and the only way to do that would be to disappear, and the only way he could do that would to be with Hojo!

"I'll do it...", Cloud whispered. Hojo nodded and stood, exiting without a word. Once outside the hall, he released a long stream of cackles that eerily resembled a mad man's laughter.

Cloud felt as if he'd made a terrible decision, and the feeling was so strong... He let out a low sob, he'd done something very bad and now he couldn't take it back. The door opened again, but he payed little attention, he heard a sigh and felt frail hands petting his head. On a normal occasion he would have swatted the hands away, and he tried, but he had no strength to, curled up the way he was and partially drugged. Another sigh, and the hands pulled away.

Soon he felt the effects of a sedative kick in and realized that it must have come through the I.V. He fell into a painful sleep, bitter-sweet memories showing him the man he loved full of laughter and kindness. They were all wasted though as the only nightmare that had and ever would haunt him, crossed his mind. Zack...


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, chapter eight. P.S. Check out Comatose by Skillet. I don't own. (=^.^=) *Mrow*

* * *

Cloud was in the infirmary for another three days before Hojo showed up again. Cloud had slept most of the time, or simply stared at the wall, only eating when the old women came and asked him to. Hojo walked into the room, positively glowing with satisfaction. He looked as he always did, greasy hair pulled back into a long rat tail, white lab coat unbuttoned and showing black pants and a shirt.

"Your personal belonging have been relocated to your room and we will begin _work_ immediately", Hojo cackled. Cloud shivered, that man just didn't sound sane. A nurse brought him some clothes, black pants and a black turtle neck. He supposed he wouldn't be wearing his uniform anymore, the new clothing was comfortable, though he felt unnerved that Hojo was watching him change. The scientist looked on as though he were studying him, and Cloud supposed he might be.

"Come along", Hojo ordered. Cloud followed, walking steadily since he'd gotten up a few times to go to the restroom, and there was no way in hell a nurse was gonna help him with that. There were some curious looks as he followed Hojo, mostly by second and third class Soldiers. He kept his head down, and continued on, brushing off the unease he had been fighting since he sealed the deal.

Taking the elevator they would make it in about twenty minutes, the ShinRa building was huge. The labs were around the fiftieth floor, he'd never really payed them much attention and Zack- He cut the thought off as soon as that name was thought, a strangled whimper left his throat and Hojo turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you ill Cloud Strife?", he asked snidely. He was quite thankful he'd bugged Cloud's room, he'd taped such an interesting conversation between Cloud and Fair when he'd returned to the labs after visiting Cloud the first time.

Cloud shook his head and looked at the floor numbers. He blinked and his head snapped up to look Hojo in the eyes. "Where are we going?", he demanded. The basement button was glowing instead of fifty whatever, he hadn't noticed they were going down since he was so used to elevators. "My personal labs", Hojo purred.

Cloud felt uneasy once again, he'd heard rumors about the scientist, not that he believed any of them. No one had told him any of them were true, not even Z- Not even Zack.

Hojo snickered.

The elevator dinged and they stepped out. Cloud walked cautiously, looking around. He didn't like this, not at all. He wished he could see Zack, even if Zack didn't want to see him. The tears prickled his face once again and he wiped them away angrily, this was the most he'd cried since he was a child. And even then he hadn't cried much.

"This will be your room", Hojo opened a door labeled C-S-1, and waved his hand inside. "Take a look, but I want you back out in five minutes, we have work to do", Hojo ordered. Cloud nodded meekly and walked in, his stuff was stacked neatly on the floor beside a cot. It resembled a cadets bed, except it wasn't a bunk, that was were the differences ended though, it was just as hard as the other beds, and probably as uncomfortable.

A little end table and dresser were at the foot of the bed. He decided to put everything away when he got back. He walked out and looked around, Hojo was writing on a clip board and looked up at him. "Ah, there you are. Let's begin shall we?", it must have been a rhetorical question as he turned and led Cloud down the halls and into a room. A metal lab table was welded down to the floor and there were large machines that Cloud didn't recognize. A large tank held Mako in it.

Cloud narrowed his eyes as a large man stepped into the room, he looked at Hojo, who nodded, and started towards Cloud. Seeing the glee in Hojo's eyes Cloud felt cold dread spread through him, and took a defensive stance. He had no weapons on him but he was good at hand to hand, maybe he could get away. He was realizing he'd been tricked as Hojo pressed a couple buttons, causing the Mako tank to drain and the clasps on the table to open.

"What's going on Hojo?", he demanded and jumped away as the man lunged at him. Hojo cackled and answered joyfully, "Why C-S-1, haven't you figured it out by now? You should be honored, I'm going to make you powerful"

Cloud was horrified, and lashed out at the man with a kick to the stomach. When the man doubled over he sprinted to the door, he heard Hojo laugh as he ran into the hall. Only to be met with a dead end, he whirled around and looked down the hall to the other side, which was also closed off. "Dammit", he hissed.

The man walked out of the room, he looked pissed. Cloud fought as the guy grabbed his hair, managing to get free before he was being caught again. He was dragged into the room and another man grabbed his arm. '_Where the hell did he come from?'_, he wondered. They pulled him onto the table, each grabbing a limb and holding it in the restraint. The metal snapped closed over his wrists and ankles. Fearfully he looked up at Hojo, "Zack won't let this happen", he bluffed.

Hojo smirked, "Actually, C-S-1, Zachary Fair approved this, it is after all, beneficial to him as you will become useful to ShinRa, thus he wins his bet with Kunsel" Cloud shook his head, his eyes closed tight as tears leaked out. '_It isn't true, Zack wouldn't do this. Not even to me, he isn't the type of person, I know he isn't",_ Cloud thought. He repeated that in his head, ignoring the outside world all together until Hojo reappeared with a scalpel in hand.

Cloud felt his shirt cut away, and sharp steel press against his chest. He tensed, praying that he was dreaming that he'd wake up and find out that this had all been a nightmare, and that Zack didn't say those things. '_Please... Please, Gaia please'_, he begged.

The first cut made him whimper, but as they grew deeper and more numerous, lining his chest and torso, he was trying his best to keep from groaning. Once Hojo was satisfied, Cloud felt the restraints open, and he was lifted up and put in the tank. Blood dripped off him steadily, the lacerations were deep.

When the tank began to fill with Mako it fell in a shower from the top, drenching him. It felt as if boiling water was touching his skin and he screamed, yet that didn't even compare when it soaked through his skin or it went into his wounds.

He screamed in pain even after the Mako rose over his head, somehow, he could breathe. But each breath brought Mako into his lungs, and he thought he was going to die. Tears flowed from his eyes, invisible in the liquid. He had never been in such agony.

He couldn't think, only scream and pray it would end soon.

Outside the tank, Hojo watched. The Mako was sure to be traveling through the boy's carefully placed wounds to his vital organs, he hoped that by corroding them first, the project would prove successful and he would be able to enhance this boy beyond that of any other Soldier, maybe even the Great General Sephiroth. "Leave him in until thirty minutes after he falls unconscious, then take him to his cell", he ordered. The 'assistants' nodded and he left.

Cloud was oblivious to his departure, but as he passed out twenty minutes later, he could only wonder, did Zack really do this to him?

* * *

Cloud hadn't left. Zack felt panicked, Cloud was still working with ShinRa. Even a week later, all he'd done was switch to the medical and science programs. He wanted Cloud to be safe, to stay innocent, seeing bloodied and dying people was not what Zack wanted for him.

There was something else, he was Hojo's personal assistant. That wasn't right and it terrified Zack, Hojo, the lunatic, was near Cloud. Cloud was no safer than he had been. Zack wanted desperately to go talk with him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to see Cloud's blue eyes full of hate, directed at him.

He was at home right now, his apartment. Sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard, it was two in the morning but he couldn't sleep. He stood up and went to his living room. There was a picture on the wall, he'd gotten Kunsel to take it, of him and Cloud. It was one of the few times Cloud had allowed him to touch him. Zack had an arm around Cloud's neck, and was ruffling his hair, laughing. Cloud had a long suffering look, but was smiling all the same.

Zack shuddered, how he wished things were like that again. How he wished things could have been more than friendship. He wondered if Cloud might have loved him back.

Eventually he fell asleep, dreams full of longing.

* * *

Okay, Chapter eight done, hopefully Chapter Nine shall be done soon. So none of you freak out, neither Cloud or Zack will die in this, I just love angst. Reviews are very much appreciated as they somehow speed my writing up. Seriously. Next Chapter will have more of Zack, I know, I've been neglecting him a tad, but don't worry, he hasn't been forgotten.

Oh, see the kitty up top? I love kitties.


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry, sosososos SORRY for the wait! I thank mooglestookmyheart for the review which got me moving again, thank you very very much, and you won't need to kill me, heh heh..._

* * *

Zack swung the katana he was using, once again striking the sack dummy with brutal force. He was so frustrated, it had been three weeks and he _still_ hadn't seen Cloud. Not anywhere. All he wanted was to make sure Cloud was safe, but he hadn't _seen_ him, and it was aggravating the hell out of him. He'd tried going to the infirmary, even the labs, but no. Cloud seemed to have disappeared, and it frightened him.

Sephiroth was worried to, they'd both been investigating, Sephiroth himself had gone to the labs and interrogated the staff. Not a pleasant experience for them, Zack had to think. He hadn't been there, rather than observing Seph terrify some employees he'd looked into where Hojo was. The scientist was also missing, coincidently. A report said that he'd gone on an expedition to the Nibel Mountains, but Zack didn't believe that. With his ranking, he was able to access the ShinRa files, which had no record of Hojo traveling to the Nibelheim region.

The place itself made him hurt, it was where Cloud was from, after all. The pain was still as strong, but sometimes he could push it away, when he was working. To top it off, he was having nightmares. To his frustration and relief, he remembered nothing after he woke except for the emotions, fear, hate, pain. He knew Cloud was in them to, the boy was never out of his mind.

In a sigh of sadness, he lightly tapped the dummy, not putting any force into it really. He'd really done a number on the thing, it was shredded, and it seemed to be missing it's head. Looking around he spotted it on the floor, pretty much flattened and opened up against the wall opposite him, about one hundred meters. Apparently that last hard strike had more of an affect than he realized.

He decided just to leave it to the janitors, he would probably just scatter the fluff and stuff around and cause more problems.

ShinRa janitors were really mysterious, he'd never really seen them, and it was a tad creepy how the dirt just disappeared overnight. But maybe that was just his imagination playing tricks on him, janitors were no threat to him, he had a very real, very painful problem to deal with of late.

Sighing, he put the katana back on it's shelf. He took a shower at his apartment before heading down to the cafeteria, he was hungry and even the food they served was a better option than having to go out and get some.

He didn't have to wait in line because of his ranking, but his rank sure didn't help him with what he received.

He wasn't all that sure what the 'food women', as he deemed her, had given him, but it kind of looked like a squashed and liquefied hamburger. Ew. He picked a somewhat secluded corner table and sat down, courageously taking a bite and finding it not totally disgusting.

After munching on the oddly jello like food for a few minutes he noticed someone coming towards him, looking up he instantly recognized it was the red devil himself, Reno.

"Yo, mutt", Reno greeted him.

"Menace", Zack growled good humordly. Reno sat himself down taking a look at the tray before rolling his eyes.

"Got some low standards don'cha Zacky? Pff, what is it anyway?", he looked as if he was going to go find a stick and poke the mysterious food.

Zack scratched the back of his head with a puzzled expression on his face, "You know, I'm not that sure..."

Reno gave him a look and stood up, grabbed it and promptly threw it away, food, fork, and tray. Ignoring Zack's protests that it was his lunch and he shouldn't throw someones food away if they still had the intention to eat it.

"That's disturbing, like really really freaky. It could be poisonous for all ya know", Reno scolded, before busting out laughing at Zack's face.

"Bu- I've already- RENO!", Zack pouted, waiting for Reno to come closer before leaping at him. "Suffer at the hands of the mighty Zack Fair, Reno", he shouted, trapping the red head in a head lock. They both snickered at how he sounded before Reno deftly slipped out of the hold with little resistance.

"Stupid Turk slipperiness", Zack grumbled, but justice was not lost on the Red Head.

"What did ya do to my hair?", Reno shrieked in dismay. Zack laughed as Reno pulled the snapped hair band from the red strands, letting it all fall to the middle of his back and in front of his eyes.

"Paybacks a bi-", Zack stopped mid sentence when he saw the mischievous light in Reno's eyes. "Aw, shit", he whimpered, putting on his best pout. Reno could be damn scary sometimes.

"Reno, er, sorry about the hair man. Maybe I can make it up to you or something?", he bargained.

"Hm... I don't know... How about I take you to eat something, since I dumped your 'food', and you'll owe me", the Red Head offered.

"Owe you what?", Zack asked.

"Nuh-uh, I'll tell ya later, you want free food or what?", Reno asked turning around and starting off. Zack scrambled out of his seat and took off after the Red Head.

Though he hadn't wanted to go out and get something to eat, not having to buy his food was enticing.

The two left the ShinRa building, heading toward a restaurant that was a common place for them to visit. It was a comfortable place, cozy, with good food and low prices, which made Reno fairly happy.

Once they were seated in a secluded little booth, Zack felt a little more at ease than he had been in awhile, the place had a calm atmosphere and he felt more relaxed.

"So, Zack, how have things been?", Reno asked. Zack twitched a bit, wondering what he should say, the truth? That he felt guilty, shameful, and like the worst person ever? Or tell a lie?

It didn't take much to make that decision.

"Fine, a bit dull with all the paperwork, and Seph still achieves the medal of 'Most Formal Man In Pajamas'", they both chuckled as the image. Sephiroth in Chocobo patterned black pajamas holding a little gold figurine of a man in a suite came to mind.

Right.

"I heard he's been terrorizing the employees from the Medical and Science wards", Reno said said, in type of voice that reminded Zack that he was still sitting with a Turk, "Any reason to why that is?"

Zack stayed silent for awhile, he didn't want Reno to find out, but he could only delay him finding out, and even that wouldn't be long if the Turk wanted to hurry.

"We can't find Cloud", he murmured. Reno looked shocked, his eyes widening and his skin turned a bit paler and a little thoughtful. Silence passed for a little bit before Reno spoke.

"Hm... I'll see what I can do for ya Zack, I know Blondie's a good friend of yours", he offered.

Zack nodded and sighed quietly, with the Turks helping, things would go a lot faster and they might find Cloud sooner than they would have before.

They waited for their food silently, each thinking of their priorities. When their meals came they wasted no time digging in, it was good food.

Once they'd finished they left the restaurant and started to the train station. "So, hows the General been?", Reno probed.

"The usual, a little more threatening since he's looking for information", Zack sighed.

Reno looked like he was going to say more, but his phone starting making some odd noises that had Zack laughing. Reno took it out, and answered it, effectively cutting off the snatches off Tsueng's voice that made funny comments, his voice seemed to have been patched together from different conversations. The comments were rather rude, much to Zack's amusement.

"What's up boss?", Reno asked into the phone while scowling at Zack who was busy laughing his ass off.

"Na' Boss, that's just Zack. Any reason for the call? Or are ya just lonely up there all alone...", Reno waggled his eyebrows, towards the phone causing Zack to burst into another fit of laughter.

Reno drooped after a second, obviously not happy with what Tsueng had said. "Awe maaan!", Reno wailed.

"What?", Zack asked.

"I gotta go clean my apartment, boss said it was to filthy for a proper Turk and he was gonna suspend me if I didn't clean it up", Reno said in distaste. Which was only strengthened when Zack started laughing again.

"Yeah that's real nice Zack, real cool", Reno sighed.

"Later Reno", Zack said and snickered lightly.

Reno waved good bye and took off and Zack turned to continue on his way.

He kept his mind preoccupied until he got to his room, where he sat on the couch and tried to watch some T.V, but there wasn't anything good on, so his thoughts wandered.

Not surprising at all, his thoughts turned to Cloud.

He wanted to find Cloud so bad, and it hurt so much. He knew he'd be facing rejection once he confronted his love again.

Feeling restless, Zack stood and turned the T.V off and left his apartment, heading for the gym.

Once he got there he changed and decided to just punch the dummy thing this time. Since the last match with the lifeless opponent hadn't ended well for the poor thing...

He'd expected the place to be empty, it was pretty late now, but to his surprise there was someone else.

And to his joy, it was Cloud.


	10. Chapter 10

However his happiness didn't last long.

Cloud... Didn't look well. He looked very tired, and sick. He wore a long sleeve shirt and slacks, both black, and he was hitting a dummy over and over with his fists.

Zack walked up slowly, unsure of himself. He didn't like the robotic way Cloud moved, or the emptiness in the blond's eyes. It didn't seem right in since Cloud's eyes had always been a weak spot, always revealing his emotions.

"Cloud?", he asked, hoping that his friend wouldn't just run away from him.

Cloud turned and looked at him, eyes widening for a second before narrowing. "Zack", He murmured, his voice was hoarse and slightly pained. He let his arms dropped to his sides and stood straight.

"I- I'm sorry", Zack whispered and looked in Cloud's eyes, hoping for forgiveness. He could feel his eyes begin to water, and his throat tightened when they remained passive, and grew a little distrustful.

"For betraying me or making my life hell?", Cloud questioned. His voice hard and unforgiving. He backed up a step as Zack began to move closer to him, the black haired mans eyes pleading with him to understand something.

"Cloud, I didn't mean it! Please... Please listen to me...", Zack pleaded, looking helpless. He took another step closer, encouraged when Cloud didn't back up again. Cloud gave him a look when he was about five feet away that stated, 'Stop right there or I will leave'.

"I have five minutes. Explain as best you can Zack", Cloud said. His eyes roamed to the doorway, and then returned to the other boy. Zack almost didn't realize Cloud had said, 'I' rather than 'You' and figured Cloud must be on a schedule.

"I wanted you to be safe, and you aren't in Shinra, so... That's why I said it... I wanted you to leave", Zack said. He took another step closer, but Cloud side stepped him and began to leave.

"Cloud wait!", Zack shouted, reaching for the blond's shoulder. His hand barely came withing a foot of the younger boy before it was knocked away.

"Don't touch me!", Cloud hissed furiously. He turned to face Zack obviously enraged. Zack brought his hand back to his side.

"I cant believe you'd even think of saying those things. You've no idea what you've done..." Cloud trailed off. He looked to the floor tears sparkling in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry... Y-You hate me, don't you?", Zack whispered his own eyes watering, he was already sure of the answer.

Cloud looked up at him and Zack saw the anguish in the others eyes.

"I don't hate you...", Cloud murmured, surprising the elder. "But I need to go now", the Blond said and headed for the doors again.

"Wait, I know I don't have the right to ask but... We're friends, right?", Zack questioned softly, hopefully.

Cloud turned his head to look at him, a strange, sad, look in his eyes. "Yeah, we're friends", he said before he pushed the doors open and left.

Zack stood still for a second, Cloud hadn't told him he was forgiven, but he'd said they were friends. He knew he'd have to build the trust back up between them, and that Cloud would probably never even consider him as someone to love, but it was more than he'd hoped for.

For another second he just stood, lost in thought before he realized what had just happened.

"Oh Yeah!", he shouted, grinning, and ran out of the gym, sprinting for Sephiroth's office. A few people smiled at seeing him happy and laughed as he ran energetically to the elevator. Inside, he tapped his foot impatiently, shuffling back and forth around the room and annoying a secretary carrying some paper work.

Eh, he didn't really care about annoying people, it was a hobby.

"Seph!", He shouted once he got into the office. He skidded to a halt in front of the General's desk and smiled.

"Zachary, something has happened?", Sephiroth asked, he set his paperwork aside to watch his Second in Command bounce around happily.

"Yeah! I talked to Cloud, and he doesn't seem to mad at me", Zack said, calming down a little and pulling a chair in front of the desk before plopping down.

"That's good to hear, how is he?", the General questioned softly. He was worried about whether Cloud was being harmed by Hojo, he didn't doubt that the scientist would experiment on Cloud if given the chance.

The obvious deflate in happiness from Zack made him fear that his assumption may be correct, so he listened carefully when Zack explained.

"He looked... Tired, and sick. He moved like he was... I don't know, it was like it hurt to move, I got to see him throw a few punches at a practice dummy and they were stiff, robotic, yet fluid in a way", Zack said, frowning as he remembered the distinct lack of emotion behind the hits. No determination, no anger or frustration. Nothing except cold indifference, and it wasn't even that really.

"I see, how did he act?", Sephiroth didn't like how much this made him think of Hojo, but he thought he may be over reacting. It may be that Cloud's... Will... Had been crushed by what Zack said. He still couldn't believe that _Zack _had said that.

"At first it felt like he didn't care much and he didn't trust me, then he got angry because I tried to touch him, and after that he looked sad", Zack murmured, his happiness all but gone as he recalled how Cloud had acted.

Sephiroth sighed, rubbing his for head. That didn't necessarily mean Hojo was hurting Cloud, but it did leave the option open.

"Do you know if you'll get to see him again?", the General asked. Zack smiled softly, his eyes lightening a bit.

"I think so, he said that we're still friends", Zack said. He thanked Gaia for this chance, and Cloud for it as well. Even if Cloud may never truly forgive him.

"Good. You'll need to keep an eye on him, now... You have paperwork that needs to be done", Sephiroth said and handed Zack a large stack of files.

"B-but, really?", Zack whined. He tossed the papers onto his desk as if they were burning his hands.

"Really. They need to be finished by tomorrow as well, or you'll need to explain to Scarlett why they aren't", Sephiroth said, inwardly smiling at how _normal _this was.

"I'm doin' them!", Zack yelped and dragged the chair behind his desk. Gingerly, he opened the first, gulping at the pages of back to back script. He looked for the signature area, barely finding it among the letters.

"...Do I have to read all of this?", Zack asked.

"Preferably Zachary", Sephiroth murmured, not looking up from his own work.

"Okay... And my names Zack!", Zack corrected and began to read. Soon enough he found a better way to entertain himself, using the eraser of his pencil to spin the paper around and around.

"Hey Seph? Check this out", He said, continuing the spinning.

Sephiroth looked up, his eyes narrowing at the immature act. "...Zack", He said, growing somewhat annoyed. This was beginning to be all to familiar.

"Aw, come on. This is actually really entertaining", Zack said. About a second after he said that, and before Sephiroth could reply, he accidentally shot the paper off of his desk. It flew across the room, hitting the wall before pathetically dropping to the ground.

"Zachary...", The General murmured, an undertone of annoyance barely brushing the surface.

"Don't interrupt me, I'm reading", Zack said, eyes wide and grabbed another paper, pretending to read the small script.

Once Sephiroth looked back to his own work, Zack smiled and started the process of making a paper airplane.

* * *

"You are late", a snide voice commented from the room as Cloud entered.

Cloud didn't respond as he looked up at Hojo, face carefully indifferent. He stayed near the doorway, refusing to go any closer to the scientist or the lab table beside him.

"As of now, Burk shall accompany you to the gym to ensure it will not happen again", Hojo informed, filling a syringe with some strange liquid.

A hand fell on Cloud's shoulder, gripping him tightly when he tried to move. He looked behind himself to see one of the 'Guards', he recognized this one faintly as 'Burk'. The man pushed him into the room, his other hand embedding itself in Cloud's hair firmly.

Cloud snarled and tried to wrench himself away, swinging his elbow backwards into the man's stomach and twisting away once he felt slack on his hair. He turned to face Burk, he lashed out, his knuckles colliding with the man's face. He turned and made for the doorway, making it out. The effort was futile though, because the hall was already closed off. '_How the hell do they do that?_', Cloud looked back at the door as Burl stumbled out, nose gushing blood. He only glared at Cloud and walked forward, grabbing Cloud's arm when the blond tried to punch him again. He twisted Cloud's arm and pressed it to his back, gripping it tightly and to the point of dislocation. Cloud shut his eyes and moaned in pain, feeling his other arm pulled back in the same way. He cried out when Burk yanked him into the room and pushed him onto the table.

Before Cloud could do anything the restraints were already in place.

"You should cooperate more, specimen. It would save you much pain", Hojo commented snidely. The scientist pulled a on the side of the table, and a metal board slid out sideways. "Move his arm to this shackle", Hojo ordered Burk, pointing to the restraint attached to the side wing of the table. Burk did so, with little resistance from Cloud, he could barely feel his arms anyways. Cloud tried not to think about what was happening, that he didn't know what Hojo was doing right now because the man hadn't done this yet. He thought of what Zack had said, how miserable and tired he looked, and of he apology.

He still didn't know if he could trust Zack, but he was willing to try. It was easy to see that Zack really wanted his forgiveness, but it had been easy to see the hate in his eyes that day in the infirmary also. It confused Cloud.

He was wrenched from his thoughts as cold metal pressed against his arm. He turned his head the opposite way, gritting his teeth as his arm was cut open. _'What is he doing_?', he thought. He groaned as it seemed Hojo was openly trying to cause him pain. Cloud could hear his blood dripping to the floor, and Hojo murmuring to himself. The sudden smell of Mako made him look to see what was happening. His eyes widened and he felt nauseous at the sight of his arm, cut open to the bone. Hojo has a clamp of sorts, which closed a chisel like object held to his arm.

Cloud couldn't stop himself from screaming as Hojo drove the object into his arm and cranked it open, pushing the split bone apart and open. Tears fell from the blonds eyes, and he wished for anything to stop this pain. Nothing stopped it though, and Hojo reached over to grasp a syringe of Mako, injecting the bright green liquid into the split before removing the clamp. Cloud whimpered as Hojo sewed his arm closed and released his limbs from the shackles.

"Take him to his cell. I want him back in here in three days", Hojo ordered Burk and started to write on his ever present clipboard. Burk grabbed Cloud's uninjured arm and dragged him out and to Cloud's cell. He dropped him on the bed and closed the door.

Cloud wearily pulled his shirt off and tossed it into a corner, listening to Burk lock the door and walk away. He gritted his teeth as his arm throbbed, and wondered what the point of that had been. The throbbing continued, and the pain seemed to expand over his body, causing him to curl into a tight ball. He whimpered and gripped his chest as it began to ache. He kept his eyes shut tight, tears leaking from under the lids. It hurt so bad. His arm began to feel like it was burning, every nerve alighting in flames and he couldn't help but scream as it spread through his body. It felt like being in a Mako tank.

Hojo smiled from the lab room, hearing the boy's screams. It seemed that this little part of the experiment was a success.

* * *

_YES! Finally finished! As I said in Forevers latest chapter, I am SO Sorry for how long this has taken. I'll be starting the next chapters for both tonight, er... This morning actually, it's six in the morning here. But today is July Fourth so I won't get much done if my cousin comes around, but I will start and try to get both stories updated soon. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing, and I hope you continue to do so, have a happy Fourth of July!_


	11. Chapter 11

Zack would never admit that he was hiding. He would never admit that he had terrible aim. He also would never admit that he was the reason Sephiroth was stalking through the compound, Masamune drawn and ready to decapitate said First Class Soldier.

All of which was true.

He hadn't _known_ the paper airplane would hit Seph. Heck, he hadn't even been sure it would fly. He sure as hell hadn't thought it would hit Sephiroth's _eye. _He hadn't even thought that was possible, like, Seph was untouchable. No one could lay a hit on him, and a little, supposedly harmless paper airplane had caused enough swelling in the time it took to get to the infirmary that he couldn't see out of that eye.

So Zack had taken advantage of those precious, few minutes. He gotten as far as he could without leaving the building. That equaled the basement. For how large the building was, the basement was rather small. Everything was neat and stacked in there, sheets over valuables and plastic, wrap stuff over other crap.

He hadn't really been down here much, he'd never really had a reason to go down. Of course, he'd been curious, but that hadn't helped much, because it seemed like there was nothing interesting in there.

So he wandered about, bored with his arms raised behind his head. Every now and then he'd peek beneath a curiously shaped object, often finding odd and out-dated machines. He yawned, nearly falling asleep on his feet when a strange smell 'roused his interest. Using his nose, he followed the scent, sniffing the air in a dog like fashion.

He turned a corner, his face being met with a rugged and grainy sheet.

"Peh! What is this?", he spit, rubbing his face franticly. "It itches!", he whined to himself. Upon closer inspection, it looked like an old yarn blanket, one that had been left out in the rain and smelled of wet dogs.

"Why in Gaia is this thing in here?", Zack wondered, still scratching his cheek. He studied it, realizing it was covering something quite large. Whatever that was underneath was about ten by ten feet, taller than him, and square.

His mind snapped into a more serious mind-set when a soft growl sounded behind the fabric, and he moved to a defensive position. He wished someone was there to watch his back, as his senses were suddenly on alert and making him paranoid.

When nothing happened he reached out with a steady hand, grasping the cloth. He paused, his mind warning him not to look, that whatever it was, was in this basement for a reason. His hand began to shake a bit, and he took a steady breath. _'Just pull it',_ he thought, _'Gaia, I hope it's just a dog". _

He pulled, the sheet sliding off and a moan filling the air as light met the creature.

Zack's eyes widened, and he fell back, suspending himself up by his arms. He felt his blood turn cold.

Behind the sheet, was a steel cage, holding a terribly disfigured creature inside. It lay on the cold metal, in a fetal position with it's neck bent backwards so it's face could look at him. It's body was humanoid, brown fur covering it's spine, and arms. Bright, glowing green scales covered the body where skin would have been, and it's broken neck had a bone poking out. It's nails and toe-nails were long and black, it's mouth hung open, letting the moaning sound through the air. Glowing green irises were surrounded by red, blood-shot eyes.

"W-what is that?", Zack whispered to himself, scrambling backwards 'til his back met a wooden box. He sucked in a choking breath as the creature moved, it's limbs scrambling to spin itself around, moving to a position that offered a better view of him.

He felt terrified, as those eyes met his. They showed am unsatisfiable hunger. His body felt frozen, and he moved his right arm slowly to grab the box's edge and pull himself up. He walked backwards, unable to remove his eyes from it.

As soon as he turned a corner, and the connection was lost, he ran.

He rushed through the basement, not looking at anything until he made it to the elevator. Then he looked back, still barely breathing. He saw nothing but the deceptively boring crates and machines and covered furniture.

He walked into the elevator, punching in the number for his and Seph's shared office. He stood in the corner, waiting for the doors to open again as he stared blankly at the wall.

Without warning, he felt trapped, and alone. He sunk down, his forehead resting on his knees. He wished Cloud was here. He wished Cloud would hug him and tell him it would be okay. But Cloud wasn't here, and things wouldn't be okay. He didn't know what that... That _thing _was. He knew he probably shouldn't have seen it, and that someone would know he'd been down there. There were cameras, there was the blanket left lying on the floor.

The ding of the elevator startled him, and he looked up quickly before climbing to his feet and exiting. He turned into the office, seeing Sephiroth at his desk, still clearly annoyed. He didn't say anything, just looked at the man, as the light scratching of Sephiroth's pen stopped.

The General looked up sharply, about to reprimand Zack and threaten to demote him, but closed his mouth at the look on his Second in Command's face. Zack looked ready to break down crying, his face looked blank, but his eyes spoke very clearly. He was terrified, horrified, and very upset.

Sephiroth stood, pushing his chair back, and made his way across the room.

"Zack? What is wrong?", he asked. Zack barely moved, and when he spoke his voice was barely a whisper.

"I saw something...", the words were low, and cracked.

"What did you see?", Sephiroth asked, concerned. Depending on where and what Zack had seen, this could either be a very serious military matter, or a traumatizing one. Forget the plane accident, this was more important.

"I- I don't know. I don't", Zack said, his voice shaking, and slightly panicked as the creatures image came to mind.

Sephiroth frowned, and pulled the boy into a hug, holding him tightly as he felt the younger's body tremble. It wasn't like Zack to be scared, yes he could grow quite upset given certain circumstances, but fear was not a common thing.

"I need better details Zack, what did it look like?", Sephiroth asked, his tone low and soothing. Zack needed comfort at the moment, something Sephiroth had never been that good at giving, but could at times.

Zack shuddered, his eyes meeting Sephiroth's.

"I think- It was... It wasn't human", his throat sealed, and he choked on the words.

Sephiroth lead him to the back room, the lounge, and had Zack sit on the couch while he sat on the coffee table in front of it.

"I'll assume the creature was unfamiliar then, where were you?", The General questioned, putting a hand on Zack's shoulder and squeezing a bit. Zack reached up, putting a hand on Sephiroth's.

"In the basement, I can't get _it_ out of my head", Zack shuddered again, closing his eyes tightly before snapping them open and grabbing his head.

Sephiroth pulled his hands down gently, keeping a hold of them so Zack wouldn't injure himself. Whatever Zack had seen, was driving him insane, at least for the moment. What was worse, the General didn't have what it took to calm him down.

"I'm going to try and get Cloud up here, alright? For now, I want you to get some sleep", Sephiroth ordered. He stood up slowly, carefully pulling Zack up with him and having him follow.

He reached for his cellphone, drawing it from his pocket. It was rarely used, except for when Zack decided to message or call him. It was one of the few items he had kept unconnected to Shinra, aside from his contacts.

He flipped it open, scrolling the contacts until he found the number he was looking for. He hit the call button, watching Zack stare at the ground.

Zack listened, but not very hard to the conversation. Once he'd heard who it was he'd been able to figure out what the call was about. Sephiroth had called Tsueng, asking for them to alter the security tapes no doubt. Zack calmed a little, at the very least, no one would find out it was him.

But it didn't change what he'd seen.

He couldn't get that thing out of his head, it's eyes. It had looked, at the very least, partially human. It's bone structure. Everything else though, none of the rest was human. He didn't know what it was, but suspicion was gathering in his mind, and he was beginning to think it may have been one of Hojo's... Specimens...

"Zack?", he heard Sephiroth ask quietly.

"Yeah...?", he answered and looked up at him.

"I want you to head to your apartment, I'm going to see if I can get a hold of Cloud", Sephiroth told him.

"Alright", Zack murmured, and turned for the door.

"Try to think about happier thoughts Zack", Sephiroth offered as he slipped out the door.

'_Happier thoughts_', Zack thought. '_Cloud... I might see him again, soon. And we're still friends, even if he hasn't said he's forgiven me. We're friends. No matter what trouble he's in now, I know I can help him get through it', _he smiled a little bit, he'd be a better friend this time, he wouldn't make another mistake.

He got into his apartment, though it wasn't really what everyone called it. More like a great, private dorm room. He didn't really know what to do, so he kept thinking about Cloud, his friend's smile, soft as it was but so bright. His eyes, a beautiful blue color that lead into him and showed what he was thinking. He felt warm, because Cloud meant so much to him. He didn't know how Cloud felt, not exactly, but he knew that the Blond must care for him. He had been the first person to crack Cloud's cold facade and see what was inside, and it had been allowed.

He was allowed to do something special, and open up the way for others to see what his friend really was.

He laid on his bed, resting his head on a pillow. He breathed deep, inhaling the pillowy smell, and breathed out again. He didn't stop thinking of his friend, his love, didn't give the... Other thoughts... Time to surface.

He didn't even notice when he fell asleep.

* * *

Hojo growled, snapping the phone back onto the receiver. Sephiroth wanted to see his specimen, demanded it. That was unlike him, as he often stayed out of the scientists business.

'_This must be Fair's fault', _he thought angrily. Trying to humanize Sephiroth when he clearly wasn't human, and meddling with his affairs. He'd thought that the boy was no longer acquainted with C.S.1.

"Burk! Retrieve the specimen and escort him to the General's office", Hojo ordered. The burly man nodded and exited the room without making a sound.

Hojo sat at a desk, and looked through several files. His eyes scanned each with a professional stoic attitude. He wrote some notes on an extra sheet of paper, making adjustments as he read each file.

"It appears I have my answer", he murmured.

He stood, and exited the room just as Burk passed with an exhausted Cloud following.

He left the files open on his desk, pictures that were clipped to them spreading a bit to reveal several mutated specimens. One of which had green scales and fur on it's arms and spine.

* * *

Cloud stood in the elevator, waiting to reach Sephiroth's office. He was surprised Hojo had allowed this, but then again he did have some free time. He sighed, rubbing his arm. It was the only part of his body that still hurt, probably because the bone had been split open. The pain from earlier had passed after a few more minutes, and he'd laid on his bed panting until Burk opened the door and ordered him to get dressed. He'd done so, following the man out of the cell before asking where they were going. The reply had been a little shocking, but he'd calmed down after a minute or so.

He wished he knew what Hojo had done to him, he wished he could get away. But if what he'd said was true... That Za- That someone had approved this, then there was no way he'd make it out.

The door dinged and they stepped out, Cloud going after. They got to Sephiroth's office and Burk knocked, waiting for Sephiroth to tell them to enter.

"Come in"

Burk opened the door and pushed Cloud in, not entering himself before retreating back to the basement.

Cloud stumbled a bit, and looked up to meet concerned green eyes.

"Cloud, come over here and take a sat", Sephiroth softly commanded, waving his hand to one of the thick leather guest chairs.

Cloud said nothing, but he walked forward and took a seat. Then he looked up at Sephiroth.

"Hey... Sir", Cloud murmured. He'd was friends with Sephiroth, having met him a few times, but that didn't mean he shouldn't be respectful.

Sephiroth studied the youth in front of him, clasping his hands under his chin. The boy looked ill, and tired. Just as Zack described. He also kept a loose hold on his arm, making Sephiroth believe it had been injured.

"Cloud, I want you to tell me everything that's happened to you since... Since your argument with Zack", Sephiroth ordered, this was his chance to see what Hojo was doing to Cloud, if he was doing anything at all. He was a little worried that Cloud may not trust him, but knew that anyone who was in a bad position would speak to the person they thought could help.

"...Hojo came, and asked me if I wanted to transfer to the scientific division. I did...", Cloud's tone held a trace of bitterness, and regret. He hated that he'd made this choice, even if he hadn't known what was going to happen.

"And after that?", Sephiroth asked. Seeing Cloud's usually calm and content disposition overruled by this was making him think that his assumption was correct.

"Well then he experimented on me", Cloud said softly, and angrily.

Sephiroth stood up, his eyes narrowing in anger he'd suppressed thus far. He walked over to Cloud, kneeling beside him.

"Are you injured?", he asked. He was tempted to reach out and grasp Cloud's arm, push his sleeve up and see what was wrong. But he knew if he did that Cloud would recoil.

"Just my arm now", Cloud said, trying to relax. His eyes roamed the office, looking for Zack. He started when he felt Sephiroth's fingers touch his sleeve gently, flinching.

"Show me", Sephiroth said, not moving any closer.

Cloud rolled his sleeve up, allowing Sephiroth to see the stitching. "Where's Zack?", he asked.

"In his apartment. Why didn't you tell either of us?", Sephiroth questioned, his gaze meeting Cloud's reprovingly.

"I haven't gotten out of the basement much, and Hojo said that what he was doing had been approved", Cloud answered. '_By Zack', _he thought sadly. He didn't know if it was true, he didn't believe it, but Zack didn't always read what he was signing.

"The basement?", Sephiroth asked, his eyebrow raising. What a coincidence. He knew however, that Hojo had no permission to conduct human experimenting, and that it was in fact illegal.

"He has a lab down there, hidden by some tricked up walls", Cloud said. Then realizing how informal that sounded, added a 'Sir'.

Sephiroth nodded, it sounded like Hojo. "I'll get to it. Do not return to Hojo, even if you are threatened. I doubt he will let you slip away from him easily once you are back within his grasp", The General sighed.

Cloud nodded. He looked around again, almost expecting Zack to suddenly burst through the door. He'd like to see him again. "Why is Zack at his apartment?", he asked.

"I was going to ask you if you'd go to him. He saw something while wandering in the basement that shook him up. I think he could use your company right now", Sephiroth said, he stood again and walked back to his side of the desk.

"Okay. I'll talk to you later?", Cloud asked, standing up.

"Yes, I'll contact you later", Sephiroth replied and sat down. He pulled a report from a drawer, and began to work on it. One of the unfortunate things about having a high rank, there was a lot of paperwork involved.

Cloud slipped out the door, walking to the elevator and going up to the First Class Floor. He felt strange about seeing Zack again, he wanted to, he was happy to, but he felt a bit sad. He didn't trust Zack like he had before. It was just, really hard to trust someone who'd hurt him like that. Someone who'd betrayed him, even if it wasn't real.

He was willing to try though.

He got out of the elevator and walked to Zack's room. He knocked on the door, waiting a few seconds before knocking again. He got no reply, so Zack was either sleeping or wasn't in there, as he was always eager to answer the door.

Cloud tried the knob, finding it unlocked and walked inside. Zack had never minded when his friends came in without him knowing, except for a couple times when Reno was drunk and running from Tsueng, he hadn't been thrilled about that.

Cloud looked around, not finding his friend on the couch, and looked down the hall towards Zack's bedroom. The door was closed, so that answered his query as to whether Zack was sleeping or somewhere else. Zack only ever closed his door when he was going to sleep, or was upset. 'A comfort thing', he'd called it.

Cloud sighed, wondering whether to wake him or to wait until he woke by himself. He decided to leave him be, if Zack had a nightmare he'd know, since his friend wasn't quiet when he had a dream that was upsetting. He figured Zack needed some rest anyway.

He looked at the messy room and shook his head, a small smile on his face. He started picking up, getting the clothes and dropping them in the laundry basket. He moved onto the trash and little nicknack's.

While cleaning under the couch, he reached for what appeared to be a fuzzy tennis ball, but when his hand came near, it moved. Cloud pulled his hand back quickly, staring at the little thing, still not sure if that had been his imagination or not. He pushed the couch backwards, so the back was pressed against the floor and the seat was in the air.

The ball thing squeaked and started racing across the floor, causing the Blond to jump a foot in the air. "What the heck?", he asked, eyes wide. He backed up, watching the little thing race across the room. After a minute or so, he stuck his foot in front of the animals path, causing the poor thing to run smack dab into his foot. It squeaked again, as if annoyed with him, and he got a better look at it.

"What the hell is a hamster doing in here?", he wondered aloud and reached down to pick it up. It squealed in fright when he grabbed it, and went limp. '_Uh oh, did I kill it?', _he thought. He stared at it for a second, waiting for it to move or something.

He shook it a bit, not much, barely moving his hand but it caused the animal to squeal again. '_Okay so it's not dead, now why is it in Zack's apartment? I don't think he bought it, I know he does weird stuff, but a hamster?', _Cloud pondered. Zack had done numerous odd things with animals, but he didn't usually use small ones. Small animals were rare when acquainted with Zack.

Cloud kicked the couch back upright and plopped down, studying the hamster curiously. '_Maybe Reno has something to do with this, he has an even weirder sense of humor than Zack, but he lacks most of the morals Zack has', _Cloud thought this was really odd. It didn't fit either of their styles, and he knew Zack wasn't into torturing animals. About Reno, he wasn't sure.

Reno was a good friend, and a great companion, but he didn't have common sense. He was also very unpredictable. Cloud could recall times when he'd been in here with both Zack and Reno, calmly watching TV when the redhead suddenly pounced on him. Such situations lead to wrestling matches. And it wasn't very fun with a First because of how strong they were. Nor with a Turk because of slippery they could be.

A squeak brought his attention back to the furry little creature in his hand. He looked at it again, not sure what to do with it. '_Should I just let run around? It wasn't that hard to catch', _he thought. However, the thought of a rodent running about the recently cleaned room blew that option to the winds. The room was _clean_ dammit! For once!

Cloud 'hm'ed. He could put it in a jar or something, poke holes in the lid. The hamster must have known what he was thinking, because it started struggling. The attempts were feeble in Cloud's opinion, and he simply stared at the little thing. After a few seconds he thought it had given up, because it stopped moving. But then it started... Sniffing his finger?

He was totally unprepared for it to bite him.

He yelped, dropping it onto the couch beside his thigh. A tiny dot of blood appeared on his thumb, and ran down it in a thin stream. He growled at the hamster, who's body was twitching as if in laughter before it ran off to the couch crack and disappeared.

"Stupid rodent, probably has some disease", he murmured and wiped his thumb on his pants leg. He was tempted to kick the couch over, just to screw with the hamster, but then again he didn't want to accidentally break something.

He huffed and laid back, putting his arms under his head and crossing his ankles. '_Sleep well Zack_', he thought, keeping his eyes on the crack beside him.

_'It's hard to believe I still love you, but I said I'd never leave you. I will always be close by for you',_ Cloud thought. _'You still mean everything to me, and I can forgive you. I love your laugh, your energy. I love how caring you are, and how much of a klutz you can be'_, Cloud smiled a bit. '_I love that I can open up to you, and you won't judge me. I love you', _the Blond closed his eyes, a smile on his face. He felt happy. After a few minutes, his breathing evened out, and he relaxed, dreams consuming his mind and heart as he slept.

* * *

_I hope you guys liked it! I made it as long as I could at the moment. O.O Alvin and the chipmunks just started singing Rooftops by Lost Prophets and it startled me. Have fun reading, the next chapter will be happier after the initial angst. Read and review please. Have a good... Night? Day? Um... -Looks out window- Night for most southern North Americans, wow that's contradictory. Day for a lot of other I think, I don't know time-zones that well... I'm rambling._

_Hope your enjoying the story, review, and continue to do so! -Koure _


	12. Chapter 12

With a soft sigh, Zack opened his eyes and stretched lazily. He lay for a few minutes, comfortably waking up. He rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow, nuzzled it, and then went limp. He was still for a few seconds before abruptly stretching again, groaning in appreciation as a few bones popped. He was tempted to go back to sleep, feeling very comfortable with the idea, but forced his eyes open again, not even fully realizing he'd closed them again.

With a yawn he sat up, running his hands through his messy hair. He blinked, looking at the wall before turning to look at the clock. He groaned when he saw the time, as he'd never been fond of early mornings, let alone when he woke up at seven in the morning for no reason.

He shook his head, throwing the last tendrils of sleep away and stood, gathering some particles of clothing and changed. He paused with his black t-shirt halfway over his head, his mind catching up with his body and reminding him of the past days events. He shuddered. He pulled he shirt down, now feeling less relaxed and more nervous as he thought about that... Creature...

A soft tremor ran through his body as he remembered it's eyes. There had just been something so... Utterly frightening about it, the whole creature. Maybe it had been the humanoid form, he wasn't sure, but it was so damn _unsettling. _It got under his skin, and really bothered him.

Zack clutched his head, trying to clear it of the images. It wasn't helping much, the harder he tried the more upset he felt. He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. He repeated the process several times, when he was more or less calm, he started to think of other things.

Cloud for one.

The small Blond seemed to dominate his mind, always the best thing he could think of. Gaia, would he like to be on good terms with Cloud again. He missed Cloud, very much. At least now though, now he had a chance to fix his mistake, and dammit was he going to try his hardest.

A soft noise from the living room caught his attention, and he looked at the door. Somewhat blankly. He blinked, not hearing anything again and stood up. He walked over to his bedroom door, violently resisting the urge to tip toe and mentally scoffing at himself for acting girly, and pulled it open, peeking his head outside before slipping out.

He grinned stupidly when he saw Cloud, though his gaze was a tad nervous. He pranced over, dropping to his knees beside the couch to watch the sleeping boy, and thought of how utterly adorable he looked right then.

The boy was laying on his side, curled into a loose fetal position with an arm resting beneath his head and the other laying in front of his face. His body was relaxed, and his face content, he was even smiling a little bit.

Zack very, very, _very_, much wanted to lean forward and give him a peck on the forehead.

He debated with himself for a moment, the desire strong but his logic strong as well. Why fuel the desire with something that would never be returned? He sighed, silently, and rested his chin on the cushion beside Cloud's arm.

He closed his eyes, taking in Cloud's scent. Zack frowned, noticing that the younger smelled of chemicals, Mako in particular. Underneath it though was his natural smell, still strong and relaxing. Cloud shifted, and Zack opened his eyes again, meeting the beautiful blue that Cloud's eyes were.

"Hey", Zack murmured, pulling back somewhat reluctantly.

"Hey... What are you doing?", Cloud asked quietly. He looked at Zack inquiringly, more relaxed than he had been when they last talked. It helped that he'd had time to think, to know that Zack hadn't meant what he said.

"Um... I'm not sure. Watching you sleep?", Zack laughed nervously. '_Jeez... I feel like a stalker now', _he thought.

Cloud looked bemused.

"Strange", the Blond said as he sat up, looking around for a second before looking back at Zack. His eyes seemed thoughtful, not as untrusting as before, not as sad. He still looked weary though.

Zack felt a bit of an awkward silence and sat next to Cloud, just far enough that they weren't touching, but they were close to one another. He bowed his head, looking for word's to say to express how he felt, trying to find a way to fix their friendship.

"I'm sorry", was all he could say, the only thing he could think to say.

He felt Cloud's mood change, the air thickening depressingly.

"I know", Cloud murmured and looked at the wall to the opposite side of him.

"I... I wasn't thinking clearly, I guess. I just... I don't want you to get hurt... Ever...", Zack whispered, looking at Cloud's face that was turned away from him. He could see Cloud's eyes, a strange, sad look in them, a small, dwindeling fire burning in them.

"Zack, I understand. I can't say it didn't hurt, but I can understand", Cloud said after a minute or so, finally looking at him again.

Cloud could see Zack was hurting too, and that he was truly sorry.

"It's still no excuse though, even if you can get why I did it. It's... That I did it... That hurts, so much. It's hearing you cry, when I left and knowing... Knowing that I just ruined our friendship, and it's because I know you don't trust me anymore...", Zack whispered, a small sniffle escaping his throat. He looked at Cloud, his eyes showing regret so very deep.

Cloud leaned forward, his emotions getting a hold of him and pulled Zack against him in a hug. He buried his face in Zack's shoulder, trying and failing to hold in his tears.

Zack wrapped his arms around the small Blond, his breath hitching when he felt Cloud crying silently. He felt tears slip down his own cheeks, as he pressed his face into Cloud's hair.

"I don't know how I can make it up to you Cloud, but I'm willing to try anything... I just... I want things to be right again, and I want to be friends again, I want you to trust me, and know that I don't want to hurt you, that I'm never going to hurt you again. Tell me what to do, and I'll do it... Please", Zack murmured, his grip tightening ever so slightly.

Cloud shivered, his arms holding onto the front of Zack's shirt.

"Zack... I do forgive you, how can I not?", Cloud whispered.

Zack shrugged a little bit, his hold tightening around Cloud. "Thank you, thank you so much", he said.

Cloud didn't say anything, he stayed quiet and enjoyed the feeling of Zack's arms around him. The grip was tight, but it didn't hurt.

After a little bit, Zack pulled back and looked into his eyes, his own shining brightly. "Where have you been?", he asked. He'd searched everywhere he could think of, even had the help of the Turks and he hadn't found Cloud until he stumbled upon him by chance.

"I've been in Hojo's personal lab", Cloud said. He looked at Zack carefully, remembering that he'd had an encounter with something in the basement, so close to where he'd been. Zack though, had apparently forgotten for the moment.

"He has a personal lab?", Zack asked, surprised.

"Yeah, we've been... Busy", Cloud lied. He didn't think Zack needed to know yet, he'd find out soon enough.

"Oh... I... Missed you, and I was worried", Zack said, looking down again. He shifted a little bit, wanting to hold Cloud again.

"I missed you to", Cloud said softly.

Zack looked up again, his face coming close to Cloud's. He smiled, drawing Cloud close.

"I love you"

Zack froze, his heart pounding as he realized the words that had slipped from his lips. He felt Cloud stiffen against him as well, and silence took over. Zack didn't dare move, afraid that if he did, Cloud would react in some way. He hadn't meant to say that. It was true, but he hadn't meant to say it. He didn't want Cloud to leave again.

"D-Do you mean that, Zack?", he heard Cloud whisper.

The Blond could feel Zack's heart racing, hear it pounding from his position against his chest. He had never, ever expected to hear those words. He would have expected them to be used in a brotherly way, except for how Zack was acting. The tight grip around his shoulders, almost like the raven haired boy was afraid he'd disappear.

"Y-Yes", Zack whispered in reply. His heart clenched as he waited to hear what Cloud was going to say, prayed that his blond haired friend wouldn't be disgusted, or angry.

"I-I... I do to... Love you", Cloud murmured, joy consuming his heart, even though the worry that he was dreaming was at the back of his mind.

Zack pulled back abruptly, wide eyes looking at the boy in fear, and hope.

"You do?", he asked.

Cloud nodded, and watched as a brilliant smile formed on Zack's face and he was pulled into another vice tight hug.

"I can't believe it, I mean, I never expected you to love me back. I hoped before but... When I said that... I never thought I'd have the chance to be with you...", Zack said, holding his love tightly.

"I was never mad at you Zack. I can't get mad at you easily, why do you think I was able to deal with your hyperness?", Cloud said, a little amused.

"You... You've loved me for a while then?", Zack asked hesitantly.

"Yeah", Cloud replied simply, daring to relax against the older boy.

"Wow... I never knew...", The Raven Haired boy quietly said.

He laughed happily then, nuzzling Cloud's hair. He was so lucky. They sat on the couch for a while longer, simply enjoying being with each other and knowing that they were loved.

"I'm gonna make some breakfast, what do you want?", Zack asked the lovely little blond in his arms.

"Hm, whatever's fine with you... I take it back, something normal", Cloud corrected himself. He smiled and looked up at Zack, who's eyes met his, shining brightly.

"Okay, something normal it shall be", the First laughed and let go of the blond, _his _blond. He suddenly faltered, looking back at Cloud.

"Are we... Together now?", he asked.

"If you want us to be, I'm willing for us to be that, if you want it", Cloud said reassuringly. He was taking this differently than he'd ever imagined, he was calm and not stuttering or closing off. A good thing, perhaps.

Zack smiled again, softer now as his gaze became that of gratitude.

"I'll be back with food, just relax for now", he ordered, slipping into the kitchen.

Cloud smiled, his own eyes shining happily as he sat on the couch and thought. He was happy, they both were.

* * *

_I am sorry for the late update. I've been going through some trouble, of all sorts unfortunately. -.- _

_I know it's short, but I'm going through some writers block. The reason I actually finished this chapter was that I got some inspiration from a new story that I'm writing. I have the first chapter of that done, but I don't know if I should put it on yet... It's still unplanned, so I'm writing as the ideas come along, which are actually going pretty fast considering I'm having trouble writing right now. I WILL be editing this story, adding more detail and such because it's driving me insane because I KNOW it needs some improvement. I won't change the plot though. I'll also be working on this chappie, so yes. There will be some more stuff to this one because I'm not satisfied at all... It's just 7 in the morning and I've been up all day and night... _

_Also... School is coming up. Noooooooooo! I hate school. So much. It'll be good for my writing though, because I usually end up on a specific schedule and my writing comes more frequent. (Meaning I write in all my classes and only put my journal away when the teachers start getting pissed, amazingly, I still have awesome grades... O.o)._

_This is a long authors note. The last thing I ask. Should I upload that new story? _


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